Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Should I involve the daddy? Or just do what everyone keeps telling me?

I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my ex's daughter. We are 9 years apart in age (I'm 27 he's 19) and had only been dating for about a month when I found out I was indeed pregnant. He pushed and pushed for me to abort...but I just couldn't go through with it. He's been mean, cruel, borderline abusive since I told him I was going through with the pregnancy and it got worse after I decided I was keeping it. After I find out that she was a girl, he apologized and begged me to involve him, saying that he was still in love with me. It's been a month since then, and he's barely talked to me, and from what I hear from the grapevine is still acting like a jackass. My mother tells me that I just need to tell him the three little words to get him out of my life for good. (It's not yours.) My friends mostly agree with her. They don't like him and don't understand what I saw in him at all. I did fall for him, and I feel like he should be included...but this constant back/forth is stressing me out beyond belief. I'm exhausted and sick all the time.

I sincerely doubt that he's going to step up and actually parent our daughter. I don't want to put her through the stress he's put me through after she's born. I am so completely lost.

Feel free to give your best advice, but please limit the criticism...I've got all I can handle.

Answer Question
 
Nawti

Asked by Nawti at 2:40 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 6 (151 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • There's no way he's going to step up and be a real Dad. Your best bet is to cut him out of your life altogether. The best way might indeed be to tell him it's not his, if he just won't go away. I'd recommend trying to tell him that you just don't want him in your life, first, before you resort to lying about the parentage.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 3:21 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • He's not much more than a baby himself. You have to do what is best for your daughter and if he is already abusive...
    Liansmommie

    Answer by Liansmommie at 3:25 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I guess because my first daughter is fatherless...is the reason why I continue to put up with his drama and bullshit. I feel so guilty that she misses out on a daddy, she knows that she's missing one. I was hoping that this would work out...but it's becoming painfully apparent that his support is minimal at best.
    Nawti

    Comment by Nawti (original poster) at 3:27 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yeah, I don't want to lie to him...and I don't think he'd believe me, at any rate. Whenever we had spare time, we were together. But it might damage his ego enough that he would just back off. I'm afraid that I'm going to cave and give into his ridiculous demands because I've lost the desire to argue anymore. He seems to think that once we are released from the hospital, that he'll be able to take her on his own. I don't trust him AT ALL, especially with a newborn.
    Nawti

    Comment by Nawti (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN