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For pro-choicers only. Would you keep this baby?

I am 29 years old and have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. We were done having kids. I was put on birth control (Mirena). I just found out that I am pregnant. For my husband, having another kid is just not an option. We are struggling financially and with this baby, would not be able to cope financially. Mentally, he doesnt want to start over with baby Number 3. We went through a rough patch during both pregnancies which put a strain on our marriage and we almost got divorced. This pregnancy, in his mind, would DEFINITELY tear our family apart. We doesnt even want to consider having another baby. Its just not in the plans. We wants to go with me to get an abortion right away.

For me, I felt the same way, until I saw those two lines. My maternal instincts kicked in right away. I was that miserable pregnant woman who never smiled, or wanted to have the baby right away. Both pregnancies and deliveries were hard on my body. I went on BC right after my second baby because I never wanted to experience that again. I just cannot go through the pain and suffering I experienced with my previous babies. I am also in college and will be done next year. I was looking forward to going back to work. (I have been a SAHM for 4 years). I believe in raising my kids until they can express themselves (talk), before putting them in another person's care. That's just my beliefs though. Having this baby would put me another 2 years away from going back to work and helping my DH support our family. Financially, its a no-brainer, we would now qualify for assistance. We didnt before. We dont want to ask for help, but with this baby, we would not have a choice but to ask for help.

I am so torn. I never thought I would have a 3rd kid. That just changes everything. We would need a bigger home, bigger car, more money. I am just not the kind of woman who can handle more than 2 kids. I envy those who can but its just not for me. But on the other hand, I think in my mind about how nice it would be to give my DD another sister or my DS another brother. It would take a LOT of work and I know I wont be able to cope.
I am scared that if we have this baby, it would tear our marriage apart. Right now, we should be in counselling, but we just cannot afford it. We are not in a good place. I believe that a marriage has to be built on a solid foundation before we can bring kids into it, otherwise, it almost always fails. This is another reason DH wants an abortion.

For those who might get offended wit the title of the post, I just want advice from people who are objective. Consider everything I have said before you give me advice. I know it is morally wrong to have an abortion, but considering the situation, it might be an option.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (8)
  • Well, if you really have a mirena... you know you can lose the baby when it's removed anyway. It's a really high risk thing. But if what both you and your Dh don't want more kids, then I think you should have an abortion, and next time either go for a tubal litigation or have your Dh get a vasectomy.. that way you really can't get pregnant again...

    Answer by Flippindadaisie at 7:44 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I had to stop reading 1/2 way through, it felt like I was reliving my 3rd pregnancy (I didn't find out until my 2nd trimester, and I simply couldn't go thru with it when he was mature enough to actually experience physical pain- I almost did, I was getting prepped, and walked out).

    I'll put it this way, if things have been that strained, you may very well end up a single mom of 2. Do you want to be a single mom of 3? You have to consider your quality of life, your children's quality of life, and how this will affect you for the remainder of your life.

    PS, if he is truly done having children HE NEEDS TO GET SNIPPED. I understand that you never wanted this to happen, you tried to prevent it, but he knows that EVERY time he ejaculates, that is a potential baby. He needs to take responsibility for his reproduction. It sounds like you did, and it failed.

    Luck to you, whatever you decide. (((HUG))) I know how much it hurts.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • if my dh was being a dick all together...telling me "i need to do this" i would be aborting him from my life. i don't let my dh tell me what i am going to do. His opinion counts but it sounds to me like your dh is dead set on you not having this baby...and he has made the decision that if you do that your marriage is over. It sounds like he is not really giving you an option. What is your opinion? You seem to lean both ways? You sound like you really want your marriage to work but you seem to also want to love another baby. I am pro choice. I do not believe i would abort this baby though. your other two children are very young. i don't think it would make much difference adding a newborn in the mix. i could understand if they were 10 and 12..but they are all so young.

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:48 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Give the baby up for adoption....there is a couple who isn't able to have children...

    Answer by karensue65 at 7:50 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • if it was me, i would for sure keep the baby.. But like karensue65 said, look into adoption!!!! There are so many couples that are wanting to be parents :)

    Answer by ashcrash at 9:13 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If you have the Mirena in and you are pregnant...I don't think the pregnancy will last anyway once the Mirena is removed.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:26 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • KEEP IT!!

    If you are having even the slightest bit of feelings toward keeping this baby you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't.

    A friend of mine was inbetween but her boyfriend REALLY wanted the abortion so she had it. She's been in therapy for a year now trying to deal with it because it hit her so hard.

    Once you do can NEVER GO BACK!

    Why don't you consider adoption? That way you have more time to decide if you want to keep the baby and if you don't you can give him to somebody who wants a baby. If you do want him you can keep him.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If you aren't totally sure either way and you had an abortion, would you be able to live with that decision or would it come back to haunt you?

    Maybe adoption as someone else said? If there really is no way to cope with another child and with all the other issues you've mentioned then it wouldn't be fair to keep that baby unless you can find a way to make it work. It's such a hard choice to make and I hope you find a way to make it work whatever you decide. good luck xx

    Answer by MeAndLo at 3:24 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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