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2 Bumps

For prochoice only...Would you keep this baby?

I am 29 years old and have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. We were done having kids. I was put on birth control (Mirena). I just found out that I am pregnant. For my husband, having another kid is just not an option. We are struggling financially and with this baby, would not be able to cope financially. Mentally, he doesnt want to start over with baby Number 3. We went through a rough patch during both pregnancies which put a strain on our marriage and we almost got divorced. This pregnancy, in his mind, would DEFINITELY tear our family apart. We doesnt even want to consider having another baby. Its just not in the plans. We wants to go with me to get an abortion right away.

For me, I felt the same way, until I saw those two lines. My maternal instincts kicked in right away. I was that miserable pregnant woman who never smiled, or wanted to have the baby right away. Both pregnancies and deliveries were hard on my body. I went on BC right after my second baby because I never wanted to experience that again. I just cannot go through the pain and suffering I experienced with my previous babies. I am also in college and will be done next year. I was looking forward to going back to work. (I have been a SAHM for 4 years). I believe in raising my kids until they can express themselves (talk), before putting them in another person's care. That's just my beliefs though. Having this baby would put me another 2 years away from going back to work and helping my DH support our family. Financially, its a no-brainer, we would now qualify for assistance. We didnt before. We dont want to ask for help, but with this baby, we would not have a choice but to ask for help.

I am so torn. I never thought I would have a 3rd kid. That just changes everything. We would need a bigger home, bigger car, more money. I am just not the kind of woman who can handle more than 2 kids. I envy those who can but its just not for me. But on the other hand, I think in my mind about how nice it would be to give my DD another sister or my DS another brother. It would take a LOT of work and I know I wont be able to cope.
I am scared that if we have this baby, it would tear our marriage apart. Right now, we should be in counselling, but we just cannot afford it. We are not in a good place. I believe that a marriage has to be built on a solid foundation before we can bring kids into it, otherwise, it almost always fails. This is another reason DH wants an abortion.

For those who might get offended wit the title of the post, I just want advice from people who are objective. Consider everything I have said before you give me advice. I know it is morally wrong to have an abortion, but considering the situation, it might be an option.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • simple frown

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • i am going to be totally objective. see when you said you are not in a good place i say yeah do it but you know what things work out for themselves. i know a friend who just had her 3rd baby and she was in a hard place and i tried to help as much as possible and she got help from places that she least expect it. sometimes things happen for a reason. i mean you got pregnant for a reason. is adoption a possiblity? i know with children already it woul dbe difficult to give it away and explain that to your children but do not let your husband make up your mind for you. you will never ever ever be the same. you are in a bad place now you would be in worse place if you do not want to do it. its your body and your choice. no matter what anyone says. keeping or not. see coming on here it already says you are having doubts. with this kind of thing you can not have doubts. no matter your choice it will be the right one for you.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 7:56 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If you have any doubt at all don't abort. It will more than likely leave you feeling guilty and depressed which also wouldn't be good for your marriage.
    Krystal.Ingalls

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 8:07 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If it were me (and I'm pro-choice) I would have it . After having one child, I couldn't consider an abortion. I did try with my 2nd and I couldn't go through with it.


    As for the financial part, things happen in life that we can't plan for and there is always ways to overcome.


    As far as your husband goes, I think he needs to grow a pair and suck it up and grow a pair. I think it's a sad reason to want to end a marriage. JMHO.


    BUT, if you really think you can't handle another one, that it would drive you over the edge, then that's something only you can decide. You have to make the decision for YOU, not based on what the kids would want.


    Good Luck on this very tough decision!

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 8:12 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Honestly, you sound like you are in a similar situation to me. And my husband knows that if for some really rare and odd reason my Essure fails, I am having an abortion. I cannot handle going through the baby stage again. I have been through it too many times already.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 8:12 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree with Krystal. I am actually prolife but I looked at this from both prospectives. You don't want to abort the baby. I wouldn't do it. That's something you can't take back. Or if you're still undecided, wait a few weeks and BE SURE that's what you want and need.
    Gremlyn1980

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 8:12 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yes a very hard situation. I understand because I have been there, when I found out I was pregnant with my third child I was afraid to tell my husband. I was still in school and I was working full time, we had only been married 2 years and already had 2 kids. He went to school as well and worked at night, so someone was with the kids. Neither of us made a lot of money and we weren't sure how it was going to work out. After much crying and talking we decided to have the baby. I graduated from college 3 months pregnant and continued to work up until our DD was born. That was 9 years ago. I'm not going to tell you it was easy because it was not always easy. If you need help and it is there take it. I think in the end you really have to do what is best for you and your family. I can understand why you want to do it, just make sure you really want to because once it is done it can't be changed.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:17 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • That's so tough....On one hand having another baby might put a huge strain on everything and the baby might feel resented and unloved/unwanted. On the other hand having an abortion can destroy you. Either way you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have two kids and really don't want to be pregnant again. I would love to adopt a newborn, so it is possible to put him/her up for adoption. But then you'd have to go through the whole pregnancy/delivery, which, I think, is the hardest part. Geez..I don't know. If it were me (and I am pro-choice), I would have the baby and count my blesssing since there are so many people that can't get pregnant. I would pull together what reasources I had and I would tell my husband that this is a blessing. (or I would leave my husband). Seriously, i'm not helping. Good luck in whatever you decide.
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 8:38 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • It sounds like you have doubts. You will likely be riddled w/ guilt and pain for years if he pressures you for an abortion. I wonder how good a man can be for you who would abort his child after already having two. I understand the physical issues, do you think you are at risk of death OR is pregnancy just an inconvience? I say if you are at risk, do what you need to do. My gut feeling (keep in mind I have never met you) is that the man will leave whether you have another baby or not. I also usually think of abortions for ppl who are too sick or alone to have a baby, only you can solve this one. Good luck.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:46 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Now may not be the right time to have a baby - but you have to make a decision based on what you can live with for the rest of your life (regardless of what you decide to do.) Your husbands feelings are important, but ultimately it is you that will carry the implications of your choice. Much luck to you, this is a really tough place to be.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:49 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

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