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advice.. should I email his friend?

My bf has this friend that apparently doesnt like me anymore. She always says Im a bitch, and Im crazy and so on. When they hang out its usually for 6 hours or more. Ive told him how I felt and long story short, he says there is nothing to worry about, they just hang out and nothing more.. well he gave me the bad name with her cause she is a good friend whom he vents to. supposedly she seen it first hand but honestly doubt that. I cant stop him from having girls that are friends so I want to email her and clear things up and just tell her.. I am not trying to keep them from hanging out but it cant be for that long of time, but she will think im nuts and will need to get over it.. shes 7 yrs younger then I and it makes me so mad that she thinks im nuts.. as a woman I feel that the man should not be with a girl that long. alone, even if her mother is home or not. they text all the time, and I over looked a text from her from yesteray morning saying that "I wish she wasnt such a bitch i cant even hang out with my friend" and " she would jump for joy if she knew I was coming over knowing what I know" <<<---- wtf does that mean?? makes me angry.. him and i have been great, this past week, taking care of me while preggo, not feelin well, really nice on my bday. I feel there is nothing going on there untill he goes and chills with her, since she wont allow me to go over her house cause im a "babysitter" ANYWAYS.... I want to email her and be a 28 yr old ADULT, worde things in a manner it cant be used against me nor taken the wrong way, but apparently I have a hard time doing that. I always come off cynical. I want to clear the air and convince them that im not a bitch, and that i feel its wrong that if someone is in a committed relationship they cant hang out that long. my bf is tiredof me having an issue with his friends.. but when they are women that in the past have talked sexually with him, im gonna not like it. He wants to have drinks with her since they havent gotten together to drink in a while.. but even tho he jokes with her and makes fun when she is drunk, I dont like it.. his flirtasious ways make me sad, and i have told him alllll of this.sorry its so long. any advice on what to say or word things? cause im afraid when it gets back to him that i emailed her, things will hit the fan or be tense for a while

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
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    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:57 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • wow, thats a tough question because in a sense i have been there but not with a girlfriend but with his best friends girlfriend. Simply I did not get involved or say anything. I let her say what she wants and makes my husbands best friend think... she told htem my baby wasnt his blah blah blah.. for a whie i didnt say anything because thats my dh best friend.. but his best friend started snubbing me and making comments to, i nicely reminded my husband that im his wife and that i come first as a priroity. I am not saying you cannot hang out with your friend but there is no disrespecting me and or name calling or trash talk.. he has to choose.... if im with then they cannot treat me like shit and i wont deal with it being brought into my home. we have a baby on the way and i dont need the drama.. if hed rather be off being a young guy and being out partying and stuff then do it with someone else because i dont need that and

    Answer by jturner46 at 10:02 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I know EXACTLY how you feel, except my fiance had been sexually involved with her, and for awhile was "hooked" and thought he was in love with her until the day we met. They had been friends since they were 18. Did he know her longer than he has known you? She could feel as though you are taking away her friend. IDRK, but thats what I got told. I hope things get better for you. We moved away from his friend, now she won't speak to him, which I don't reallly like because it crushed him. I hope he realizes though that it was a better move for us and that it was her choice to stop speaking to him, not mine or his.

    Answer by ModernMommie at 10:03 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • my baby doesnt need that.. he has to choose.. he can spend time with his friend but limited time.. she is femaile and she does seem like she has an attachement issue.. he should be standing up for you and telling her its not ok to be saying that stuff and getting involved..that she has to respect that fact that he loves you.. if she cant do that then she is not a good friend to him anyway.... there are still boundaries in a relationship..

    Answer by jturner46 at 10:04 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I don't think he should be venting to anyone even if they are good friends. How in the heck are you two suppose to work things out if he vents to someone else. It's none of her business what goes on between you and dh. An email to her expressing how you feel might work. To me its inappropriate to hang out with another person of the opposite sex like the way they do. If the email thing doesn't work why don't all three of you sit down and talk about your concerns. I know that's easier said than done but that's what I have to suggest to you. Good luck.

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 10:07 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • they been friends for 2 years.. she and i got along fine.. till he got made at me and vented to her saying i baby sit him and stuff..
    he gets defensive cause its his friend..
    but even tho he seeing how i feel, i dont think he gets it..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:08 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • All I know is that it wouldn't be going down in my home. I have already had an issue with some of my husbands friends and when he tried to defend him I told him where he should go. He use to hang out with guys that were disrespectful to women in general. One of his friends was getting married and disrespected his fiance in front of strangers and friends and she wouldn't say anything. I think at some point your husband is going to have to choose either you or her, because it seems to me like she is going to be a heavy burden on your relationship. Especially if all he is saying about you to her is negative things. She will never like you. I would say don't even waste your time with an email. She already has her mind made up about you, because if she was a true friend to him she would try to get to know you better so there wouldn't be a lot of drama between you two.

    Answer by lovingedward at 10:11 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • well i think that if he is going to hang out with her and DRINK instead of spend time with you now that he is a dad then you just better off with out him. Hey he needs to wake up and relize that he is a dad now,he cant do stuff like he use too,hes a Daddy. he needs to take on that responsibility. The girl shouldnt be txting him sayin stuuf like tht. if he love's you he will stand up for you and respect how you feel. Writeing her will not make things better it will make it worse and then she will start talkin more. that just my opion. i just dont think that he has really mattured up and is not ready to take on this responsibility like he should. I would sit down and hold his hands make sure you got his full attention and talk to him about it. it want hurt to try again. if he still want follow through then he wll always be like that and immatture guys end up making mistakes so.........find someone who will treat you better

    Answer by brittbritt123 at 10:36 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I wouldn't be able to deal with that! I know a guy and girl who have been "best friends" for years. I have hung out with them when they drink which they do every weekend, there are lots of sexual comments and flirting. Meanwhile his wife is at home and she is ALWAYS the bitch according to them. She doesn't like it and she's about to leave him, and trust me. His best friend would like nothing more than to have him all to herself. I say let her have him. He doesn't sound worth it. IF nothing else, leave and let him decide. It's between you and him NOT her and you. Sorry, he sounds like a loser.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:53 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I'd break up with him. Seems as though you're an intrusion on their relationship than his gf. My husband would not hang out with someone who spoke negatively of me- male or female and I wouldn't hang out with someone who spoke ill of him.
    And I'll be damned if he would hang out with a female- ALONE- for 6 hours! If I'm not "allowed" at someone's house, neither is he and vice versa. (This has never been an issue for us but I know where we both stand.)
    I think your bf has a lot of maturing to do and needs to learn a thing called boundaries. When you have a family, your family is first priority, not hanging out with some female who is going to talk negatively of you s/o, the mother of yourchild whom you supposedly love.
    I'd pack my shit and leave. Let them two have each other. You deserve better.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 1:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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