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5 Bumps

Would this upset you?

Our family moved into a home that needed some serious renovations back in April. My only request was that the downstairs bath be completed before we moved in. It was not - in fact the first month we had no shower at all (bathtub, but no shower) and we still have yet to get a toilet (there is one in the upstairs bath). Many other projects have been done, but the one thing I wanted has been put on the back burner. Now, hubby's mom (who I really can not stand) has invited herself to our home for Christmas. NOW he wants to get the toilet in before the holidays so SHE won't have to go upstairs for the one night she is here. To me, when we still have to buy Christmas for our girls, this is NOT the time to spend money on a toilet. And, I don't want it for her, I want it for me. I know that sounds silly, but there is no way to describe how miserable this woman makes me.  I didn't say anything to hubby before he left, but I'm upset and hurt that somehow one night of his mom being here (when she wasn't even invited) is more important than doing it for me.


Asked by scout_mom at 10:06 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 41 (125,190 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I don't think he sees it that way. I think he doesn't want to look like a slacker to his mom.

    I understand how it feels, but take a deep breath, rationalize what is happening... I don't think he is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute, and think about how she's going to make him feel (if she is that miserable a person) is its not done. I still think his priorities are out of whack, and I'm sure that hurts- but you should turn it around... Make it into an xmas present for yourself :) Get some paint that you like, and go nuts in there! Make it your own, and make the best of it.

    You can't take everything to heart, we're all human, and sometimes we do things without thinking, or have lapses in judgment. Make the best of it, and if you need to, then tell him (calmly) how it made you feel.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:17 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • use to your advantage

    tell husband that ___ needs to be done before his mother comes
    you know your mother would really be more comfortable if you finished the ___and she would never like the ____ that is not done yet


    Answer by fiatpax at 10:17 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Call your MIL and tell her directly your house is not ready for guests.
    Stop waiting for your ol man to do what you want, take care of it yourself, today.
    Don't get mad lady, get it taken care of YOUR WAY, and GL!!!!

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:15 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I wouldnt think about it as being for her...think instead about your husband and how he is so loving he would be sure his mom is taken care of (even if she is a hag) lol. We all want our parents approval. He knows he has yours. I totally get how you are feeling, you have sacrificed and waited..and now he is doing it for HER?! But dont stop hubby from doing the work..shoot you should have evil MIL over more often maybe he will tile the kitchen lol. Think about it on a smaller scale...he likes kitchen spotless but on a daily basis you can't get it all the way done. Wen you are having company suddenly you find a way to get that room done. KWIM? Its not really for her and not you its just the idea of company coming.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:13 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You don't have to explain yourself or apologize. I would feel the exact same way. I wasn't good enough to do it for, yet your MOTHER is? Suddenly she is the priority and not the Christmas gifts for the kids?
    I refuse to fight over my MIL with my husband anymore. Mine is actually coming out for a WEEK starting December 30th. It's an improvement though! Normally she comes out before my birthday, which is Dec. 29th, but I bitched so much she is finally coming out the day after my birthday. It's better than nothing I guess!
    Hang in there ♥

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:11 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • to answer your question: Yes it would upset me, but is it worth fighting over? Well if your girls are going to be missing out on Christmas due to putting a toilet in then yes it is worth fighting over, if you guys can swing putting the toilet in and giving the girls a good Christmas then no I don't think it is worth the fight. I would still however let your husband know that you are offended that he can't seem to get it in for you but when mommy dearest shows up for one night he hops right to it (is she too old for stairs or something) but I wouldn't fight about it unless you are sure that it is worth the fight.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 10:15 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You sound very reasonable to me! You communicated your needs-wants and hubbs did not take you seriously. As far as your MIL relationship, that is a WHOLE nother battle :)

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 10:18 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • My mil showed up without asking back in September! Still here with no plans to leave! Plain and simple this woman makes me crazy! She is miserable and seems to want everyone else to be miserable with her. Be glad you have an end date. Get you toilet and bleach it when she is gone!

    Answer by Noosa at 8:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yah.. I would be pretty irritated.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:10 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yes that would bother me a lot.

    Answer by lovingedward at 10:14 AM on Dec. 7, 2010