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Should we feel guilty about wanting more for ourselves than just being a mom?

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SabrinaMBowen

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 11:08 AM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Why? Because giving birth suddenly reduced all my options and interests to my ovaries and the fruit of my loins? It took me MONTHS after my oldest son was born to even leave the house to go to the gym for an hour without him, because I thought anything I did w/o him made me a "bad mom" for not being with him. It took YEARS for me to realize that having a life outside my children allowed me to be a happier and more fulfilled parent, and better equipped to handle my children's needs.

    So long as you don't absorb yourself in your own needs/whims/interests to the *neglect* of your children, I say go for it!
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 11:12 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Of course not!! Being a mom doesn't mean you give up who you are. Some women find their bliss in absorbing themselves with motherhood and others find their bliss in their careers. Either way, our children are number one.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 11:21 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Hell, no. Like I tell people: just because I became a mother does not mean I stopped being my own person. I have wants and needs, too, and they are just as important as my kids' wants and needs. I know my mom's life didn't revolve solely around me and my brother and that was fine. I think parents today have a warped sense of what it means to be a parent.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:22 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • No, we shouldn't. If anything, we should feel guilty for not making the most of OUR lives, whatever that may entail. I have a daughter, I want her to see me achieving things and meeting personal goals that I find to be important, and not all of these things are going to directly relate to motherhood.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:23 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree with PP's, I am not just a mother, I am my own person outside of that role. My son comes first and always will, but I will not give up on my hopes and dreams so I can live through him. I want him to see me reach for my dreams so he knows he can reach for his.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 11:50 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • No, I have never let the fact that I am the mother of 5 define me as a whole. I love my children, but it is a disservice to them to have a mother who neglects herself and is unhappy.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:57 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Too many women seem to give up having any individual life of their own when they become a mother. Then when their children get older and start pulling away, asserting their own independence, the mothers panic and can hardly handle it, seeing it as a direct rejection of them. We should all have our own lives that will go on when our children go out into the world and start their lives away from us.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 12:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • no
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:41 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Absolutely not!!

    I'm a very firm believer in the following: I can not be the best mom I can be. If I am not the best **me** I can be.

    For each and everyone of us. What constitutes that "me", varies. However, we are all women first, and individual, our own person first. Mother is just another aspect of that person, not the entire person. The rest of the woman must be satisfied/fulfilled and happy, in order to be the best mom she can be. Nurturing only one aspect of oneself most always leads to unhappiness and being unsatisified with the life that one has.

    Again, what makes each one of us satisfied/fulfilled and happy varies. However, a woman who is not satisfied/fulfilled and happy with herself is not going to be happy/satisfied/fulfilled with other aspects of her life, not even her role as mother.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Not at all the art is actually achieving it!
    older

    Answer by older at 1:36 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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