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selfish?

I live over an hour and a half drive from my father and step mother. Hubs aunt lives about 40 min. away. My father and step mother have often babysat for my sibs (3 sibs all with 3 kids). Hubs aunt baby sat for his cousins (her kids) one day a week every week as a gift to the sahms (her dils). We have never had baby sitters accept for the teenager I hire every once and a while. And I understand.... never really rubbed be too much until today.

My kids are now 15, 13, and 9. I have the opportunity to go on a long weekend with hubs (he has to go for work somewhere fun and asked me along). My father retired this past summer so I asked if they could sit for me. No, because my step mom needs to baby sit my sisters daughter while she works - wth? They have had available sitters for YEARS... THEY have gone away on weekend trips, THEY have had date nights with free sitting AND the kids spent the night away. She has a mil who can sit.

I guess it finally rubs me wrong that everyone has a grandparent available to sit for free but me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • clairification - my step mother on sits part time for my sis, her mil sits the other days... I dont see why they cant switch..... and my sis doent have a full time job she is a sub... so who even knows if she will be working those days.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:05 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • That would rub me the wrong way too. I understand if your stepmother made a commitment and she shouldn't break a previous commitment, but can't your older kids be of assistance to her in handling the other kids. Would it be a lot?
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:05 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If it makes you feel any better, I, as a grandparent, do not like to babysit. I will do it every once in a while, but I am just too busy to be that tied down. We own our own businesses, so if something comes up with that, I have to go. I used to feel that way too because my mother was practically raising my brothers' kids. Well, guess what, she's in her 60's now, niece just had a baby and now my mom is stuck babysitting again! That really ticks me off. Don't let it get to ya girl. Your kids are getting old enough that you could probably just have a friend keep them. Good luck.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:07 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Is the relationship different all around for your family and them? My fam isn't as close to my inlaws. They won't stay at our house when they visit, and they watch my SILS kids all the time. But I really don't care. I'm not entitled to free childcare from them. And if they don't want to do it, I really wouldn't want to leave my kids with them. It's not fair to the kids.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:07 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • amybaby - my kids live an hour and a half away... my parents would have to come down here and stay for the weekend.... she couldnt bring my sis child with her.

    m-avi - i understand but both my parents are retired and my kids are 15, 13, and 9 and they have baby sat TWICE in all that time. My sister decided to be a working mom and has free baby sitting since day one... I have NEVER asked that of them.

    musicmom - both sides are GREAT. it is just that Im the only sib that doenst live close to my parents. and hubs aunt simply wouldnt offer that up to me. they would NOT stay at our home... they are very proper and old fashioned that way... so I can not ask them. (it is durning a school week so a siter would HAVE to stay here to get the kids to school and sports)

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:12 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Sure that would rub me the wrong way. My MIL has told us in advance she will not watch my son for a week while we go to my sister's wedding - out of the country. Her excuse? I'll be too tired then to do it. This was her statement last summer. Seriously. So I found some very good friends to watch my son while we are gone. My MIL is very territorial and said no because she thinks we will go on vacation with her if we don't use our vacation days on my family. Well.....while I understand her motives for declining she will be very surprised to learn our off time does not belong to her. I have now learned that if she doesn't want to watch him that is fine. I also have found new sitters. Yes, I have to pay for most of them while he is off for school vacation and I have to work. But not dealing with family drama is worth paying out of pocket. Perhaps friends would be willing if you offer a flat

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:12 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • fee for their assistance. You have older kids who attend school. So hopefully your friend network will find this is not so bad. But you can't make your family do something they don't want to do. I can't make my MIL take my son, and since she said no, I don't want to whine so she resents his presence. But I have since decided not to tire her out and hire a private sitter for those times I need to. The ironic part, our friends caring for my son - live right down the street and are caring for him for free because they love him. We lucked out and I look at it as my MIL did me a favor.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:15 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • frogdawg.... really i have no family drama... it is just rubbing me wrong. I can not ask anyone else to do this for me they would HAVE to stay here because all three kids are in different schools we dont have buses, they all three have sports, and there is just too much to coordinate plus homework for me to farm them out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Been there, done that.

    Best thing to is ask a friend or two, to sit one or more of your kids. Maybe your 15 years old has a best friend he/she can stay with? How about the others? Ask and BE SURE to offer to to the same thing for them in return.

    GO with your hubby and HAVE FUN!
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 12:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • This IS family drama. Everyone is just trying to help. If it bothers you so much, why not just go to them and tell them how you feel about it? If your family has a great relationship like you say, this should be easy.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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