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3 Bumps

Surrender as an "act of love"?

I see on adoption agency (baby-selling business) websites, "birthmother" pages, the line that "adoption is an act of love."  The idea seems to be to convince mothers that if they loved their babies enough, they would give them away. 

Does anyone else have a problem with the notion that we give away or abandon those we love?  

Here is the irony in adoption:  If giving away someone we love is an act of love, then i should be divorcing my husband so he could go on to marry someone younger, richer, more beautiful.   We should all be doing that, and not only that, but we should be searching out those women ourselves and presenting them to our husbands and boyfriends as their "new partners." (e.g. "Andy and Marcie: A Story")  :( 

Using this logic, the person who adopts a child should give up that chld to the next person who comes along who happens to  have "more" than they do, passing the child on up the line.   This is ridiculous! But why are pregnant mothers targetted by agencies using this same logic?

Answer Question
 
Cedartrees4

Asked by Cedartrees4 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Adoption

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • If the adoptive parent(s) could take better care of the child than the birth parent(s) and they did it without financial incentives (like they weren't paid to give the child up) then it most definitely is an act of love.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 12:12 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I think it is just trying to say if you love them put them up for adoption instead of abortion. That is how I look at it anyway. There are thousands of woman out there who can't conceive. Who would give anything for a child.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 12:13 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I do believe giving up a child is act of love--if you cant care for it or provide your a better person and MOTHER to let someone else who can.Adoption my not be right for all but Id rather see children given to loving home then hungray
    . I truly believe it is unselfish and a act of love
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 12:14 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Some people really don't make good parents, and the best thing for the child is to give it up for adoption and the chance at a better life. in a perfect world every child would get adopted by a loving family and the agencies want you to believe that every child gets placed in a loving home.

    The problem with adoption is there is so much "red tape" that only a fraction of parents meet the ideal standards to adopt, and most kids grow up in the system, never being adopted.

    Giving up the baby is really a double edge sword. the are reason too, and there are reasons not to. I think it really depends on the mother's situation and what she feels is best for her baby.
    SolaraDarkset

    Answer by SolaraDarkset at 12:21 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I also believe adoption is an act of love. I do not view adoptions as giving away or abandoning the ones you love. I look at adoption as one giving life, and for me that speaks volumns of love.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 12:43 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I see your point, but I think the taglines are trying to convince women to put their unwanted children up for adoption rather than abort them. This is a good question.
    DangerDarling

    Answer by DangerDarling at 12:48 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • "The problem with adoption is there is so much "red tape" that only a fraction of parents meet the ideal standards to adopt, and most kids grow up in the system, never being adopted."

    This isn't true of babies at all. There are so many families out there wanting to adopt babies that it's almost impossible and many couples wait years to be chosen. It is true, however, that many older children who end up in the system age out before families are found for them. This is frequently because the birthmother didn't place them for adoption and was unable, for whatever reason (drugs, alcohol abuse, mental health issues) was unable to parent them and they were eventually removed from her home and placed in foster care. Perhaps if more of those mothers would recognize their inability to be a mother to her child and would place them for adoption as infants, then there would be many less teens leaving the system without families.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 12:56 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • For what it's worth, I truly do NOT believe that adoption and abortion are anywhere near related as alternatives to each other. Abortion vs. motherhood is a decision in early pregnancy. An informed decision of being a mother with your baby or a mother without your baby can only truly be made post-birth, in fact post-recovery (6+ weeks).
    Cedartrees4

    Comment by Cedartrees4 (original poster) at 12:58 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • "Your birth mother didn't want you but she loved you enough to give you away to a couple that can't have children of their own."
    What a mind f**k that must be for the adoptee.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:08 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree with CEDAR, Adoption vs Abortion, are not in the same realm. One decision is made very early BEFORE the pregnancy is viable. The other is made when the baby is actually brought into the world, and can viably sustain in life...so please do not start equating the 2,please! It , IMHO, IS done to convince a young ,scared, hormonally, impaired woman to , THINK it is whats best, and to achieve this, it needs to start very early on in the pregnancy. MOST all adoptions , take place during the first 48 hours after giving Birth, and too many have the PAPs right there with these young hormonal woman. Hence the reason Pre- Birth matching should be illegal. The anallogy of 'being done out of Love', is ludicrous, no one loves their child more than their GOD given mother! Just becuase she is financially in a bad place and scared, does not mean she can only LOVE her child IF she gives it to more deserving people! Bulls**t! CJ
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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