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Do you tell your kids, or not?

So I just found out my kidneys are failing. I have 5 kids, but will be going to dialysis and eventually be put on the transplant list. I'm going to need more help around the house, but I don't want my kids to worry about me, at least not until there's a real reason to worry. My husband thinks we should tell the kids, I think not at least until we know more. (The older ones are 13, 10, and 9; the little ones are 2 and 5 months) Would you tell your kids?


Asked by missanc at 12:22 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 43 (163,403 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • If it was me I would tell the oldest 3. they are old enough to understand that Mom is sick but that the doctors are doing every thing they can to make you better and that you may be tired and not feel well and need a little more help. You don't have to make it a scary thing. Just matter of fact. Be positive and reassuring and they will see it that way to.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Just tell them that mommy is going to be sick for a while and you're going to need help. They deserve to know.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I would tell the ones who are old enough to understand. It will hurt a lot less than thinking you didn't trust them if you kept something that important from them. And that way you wouldn't have to worry about trying to keep secrets, like where you're going, or making slip-ups when you're talking to them or around them.

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 12:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • YES!

    Answer by CraftingMama at 12:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • i would definitely tell the older 3.

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yes. I would tell the older children (9 and up) that your kidneys are not functioning the best they can and you are going to need medications (if true) and help through dialysis. I would not say they are failing right away, but I would have honest discussions with the children and later tell them that you might be put on a transplant list. Obviously the older children will understand more than the little ones. It is much wiser for them to know than to hide things. Answer all their questions as honestly as you can without alarming them so the seriousness of the situation is a gradual realization to them. Explain to the kids you will need some help and have them help in age appropriate ways. I'm sure they will become a true source of strength. I wish you all the best. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 12:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Wishing you well. I would tell them. You need the support and UNDERSTANDING of your family at this time.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:34 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Of course. Because they need to know that you are not able to do as much as you did before, have a new routine, and new issues to take care of. To wait can leave them feeling blind sided when and if you get more ill. So help them transition now. Of course they will worry. So educate them on what this all means. Wouldn't you worry if one of your children's kidneys were starting to fail? Yes you would. But as a family you can tackle this challenge together. Your husband has the right idea. Smart man. I can understand as a mom you don't want them to view you as a sick person and have them worry. So don't act the sick role. Be honest. When you are tired, say you are tired. When you have appointments then tell them so they know you are doing everything you can do to remain as healthy as possible.


    Answer by frogdawg at 1:07 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Yes, tell the older ones. I think it will give them better understanding of the problem. It will also be good for them to learn to help during times like this.

    Answer by arenad at 12:38 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I would tell them. I would imagine by now they know something is wrong so tell them the truth so they don't make up an even worse senerio in their heads.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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