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How do I "influence" my daughter's choice of college?

My daughter applied to 3 colleges and one of them is my alma mater (also her father's). But she's told me that it's her 3rd choice of the 3. Then 2 nights ago, one of the swim coaches at that college called and talked to her for almost an hour, they want her to come swim for them next year. I was so excited for her and she seemed very excited about it, too. I'm sure it feels great to have someone want you instead of you trying to convince them to accept you. Anyway, now she's also gotten her acceptance officially from the college and heard nothing from her other 2 choices yet. I know she has lots of time to say "yes" and she'll probably get accepted by at least one of the others but I would really love it if she went to the same college both her father and I attended. But I'm playing it low-key, she already knows how I feel about it, so I'm trying not to push.


Asked by ceallaigh at 2:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 24 (19,921 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think you're doing the right thing. You have a clear preference but you recognize that it is more for sentimental reasons than because the other schools are not good for her. Help her to go thru all of her options objectively and to see the pros and cons of each school so she can make the best decision for herself. Clearly you know that pushing her will likely turn her in the other direction more than letting her work it all out with you to help guide and support her. Good luck, I am sure you are so proud no matter what school she will choose.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • For one, if she is going to get any scholarship (regardless of what school) that's where I would advise her to go. If you are able to be footing her college bill, good for you. My parents helped with expenses during my education, but as for student loans, those are all me. You all should have a serious discussion about the financial aspect of the 3 schools as well, that was my biggest factor in where I finished my education. I started at a high tuition place and finished at a lower tuition university, because a degree is a degree, you shouldn't have to pay for the name of the school too. JMO

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 2:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Easy answer: you don't.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 2:26 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Just bc you and dad liked it doesn't mean it will give her what she wants out of an education. I'd stay out of it but that's just me.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You don't do anything, because this is an important choice that she needs to make for herself. Perhaps the reason your alma mater is her third choice is because you and her dad both went there, and she wants to establish her independence.

    Answer by SWasson at 2:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Don't push it. She knows how you feel leave it at that.

    Answer by arenad at 2:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Hun, Hubby and I both attended the University of Florida and are true gators, and only one of my three made the choice to go there, we tried our best but to no avail , my son attended FSU Florida State, and we both cringed!!! but what can we do??? and my other daughter did her Masters here locally in Miami. Ultimately you got to let them choose for themselves and forget your old Alma mater!


    Answer by older at 2:29 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Don't push. You could end up pushing her the other way.

    Answer by mompam at 2:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree 100% with CraftingMama! i know it is Hard but, i am sure you want her to be Happy where she attends as much as you want her to Succeed! Wishing you lots of luck:)


    Answer by daisyb at 2:36 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I'm truly not pushing because she already knows how we feel. As for the costs, they're all 3 state schools so cost is basically the same, the difference will be how much scholarship money she gets for swimming. That's why I was so excited that the coach called her. All of your answers are exactly what I know I have to do, support her in whatever choice she makes and know that it's her decision to make completely. I actually hope her number 1 choice offers her the most money so she can go there.

    Comment by ceallaigh (original poster) at 2:38 PM on Dec. 7, 2010