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I am literally at the end of my rope. Our son just turned 16. He is a sophomore in HS. He went from being an honor roll student to failing certain subjects over the past year and a half. I have tried everything. I have taken him to a therapist, grounded him, taken away privileges, taken away his PC, his TV and his cell. I have pretty much taken the advice of the therapist and have taken away his things to motivate him to actually try. Nothing is working. Over the summer I found out he was smoking pot. He stole money from our jug and took singles, fives, tens and twenties. I went out and bought a drug test and it came up positive. I was in a state of shock because he always told me he would never do that. I still drug test him and he is not permitted to hang with the friends that used over the summer. I only trust one boy who is straight edge so he hangs out with him when he isn't grounded for failing. Any idea? Please give me so ideas that might help. Like I said, I feel like I have exhausted all measures because nothing is changing and I'm so upset and sad. Thanks.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Sounds like something started bothering him and he didn't know how to deal with it. GL

    Answer by bseastrand at 3:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • We are losing our home....but he seems to be adjusting well. We just rented a new place...very nice I first thought it was that but he is fine with it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You might try paying him for good grades -- $5 for every A, $3 for every B, $1 for every C. My mom did that with my sister and her grades improved.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 3:48 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Are the Drug tests coming back clean now? This is such a hard age anyway, he could be feeling resentful that things are not financially going well with your family, this is a very selfish age.. I'm so sorry - my sister was a terror to my mom so I know this must be horrible!~

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:51 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Drug tests are clean, yes. Thank God.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • ((( hugs))) sounds like you are doing all the right things. Keep it up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • It sounds to me like something is going on that he doesn't know how to deal with, sometimes people to turn drugs (or alcohol) to cope or escape from something that is bothering them. Does he have gf that recently broke up with him? Has he been having issues with kids at school or a particular teacher? Has something gone on at home that maybe you're not seeing, but could be effecting him in a negative way? What is his self-esteem like?
    Teens are hard regardless and can give in to peer pressure so the friends he hangs with can have a definite influence, however I wouldn't blame it solely on the friends he holds, there is a reason he made the decision to actually smoke the pot, versus saying no. My son hung out with kids that drank at 14, I never forbid him from seeing them, we had a long talk about the effects and consequeces; he chose to stopped hanging out with them, he associates with them at school but not beyond that.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 6:01 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If it were my son, I would sit him down and remind him how much I love him and that I am concerned for his safety, his health and his future. I would tell him that I know he understands and is smarter to make the best decisions for himself and the future, but that I am worried he's starting to go down a dark path that I don't believe are the best decisions. Then I'd site item by item what could happen if he was caught at school, caught by police etc...then how the effects of it can impact his future, school, jobs, career, family....
    From there I would tell him again I love you and I believe you are intelligent and above peer pressure to make the best decision for your life...then I would ask him what he wants out of his life and help him figure out how that is gonna happen.
    I know some disagree with talking it out, but in my case it has probably had the most impact on my children and our relationship.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 6:04 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like things are bothering him more than he is letting on.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • something had to have triggered that the best advice is to look back and try to decide what happened to cause this downward spiral. then you can work on helping him to cope with what is bothering him

    Answer by MaybeMommy1994 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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