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Marriage Problems

Me and my husband have been married for 5 years. I am 23 and he is 26. I have pretty much been with him since I was 14. Everything is usually alright, I mean everyone has their problems every now and then but we usually work through it. We have been having some financial problems and are really poor at the moment. I have been working while he has been a stay at home dad ever since our Daughter was born and she is 3. But, to make a long story short...we have been getting into it for like 3 weeks straight now. I started this new birth control that has made me feel like I could never have sex again cuz it lowered my sex drive so much and me not wanting to have sex one night because I was tired basically started the whole thing. Well I ignored him because he was being an ass for like 3 days. Now he is acusing me of cheating on him, which I AM NOT doing! This has made everything fall apart... he has now informed me that I basically suck at life and he has no interest in me anymore and could give a shit less about us. We have not had sex for about 3 weeks and havent been communicating, except for yelling at eachother, for about a week now. He seriously acts like he hates me. I cant even talk to him and he sleeps in the living room now. I would leave but he has threatened to never let me see my child again and plus he has no job so he would not be able to pay rent. I would be screwing him over and i dont wanna do that. I still love him with everything I have and it has gone so far that I dont know how to fix it. I guess that didnt make the story short but oh well. I cant stop crying, it is interfering with my work. I dont know what to do. I hate life and wish I was non existant right now. What should I do?? I dont have anyone to talk to about this....no one :(

 
punkypreggo

Asked by punkypreggo at 3:58 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (443 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • 1ST unless you're abusing your child nobody will take your child away ever. Sad to say even people who are not always fit parents dont get their child taken away so dont ever believe anyone that tells you that or that you'll never see your child. Next you're are doing a great job as a mother wife and provider. I would 1st see if I could change my birth control to something else. Next sit and talk to your hubby seriously about how you feel? then ask him how he feels about the relationship. Talk about what you both can work on. Lay it all on the line and dont take offensive if he says something you dont want to hear or if he's not listening, as long as you get how you feel out the way you'll feel better.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 4:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • The economy sucks right now and it is stressing a lot of families. Remind him of that. See if you can get a sitter or talk with him after putting the baby to bed. Marriage is about communication and compromise. You two can work it all out. He's feeling rejected bc of the lack of sex. Men think sex = love. He may feel bad about you being the bread winner and he's not. Just talk with him. Tell him no yelling. Make sure he hears what you are saying, too and not misunderstanding. If all else fails, just hug his neck and tell him you love him despite him being a boo boo head
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:54 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Explain calmly or write a note about the bc causing these side effects. I would also seriously consider another type of bc.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 4:01 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Girl i fell your pain..i wish there was someting i could say...But when your heart is broken nothing fells good..As much as i hate to say it just because you did't want to have sex one night it turned into this...Something else has to be going on...i dont know my heart goes out to you.....I felt this way a couple days ago the only thing that even barely help me is to talk to a friend......and too i got on here...it helps to know your not alone good luck....
    Jayk77

    Answer by Jayk77 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Give him cuddles if you don't want to have sex. Love on him and say your sorry. He will forgive you. Does he want to work? Maybe a role reversal would help. Maybe a family member can watch the little one for you, while both of you work? Take a walk with him and sort it out. Do something special for him. If you do not make the first move into this relationship, he will have a hard time getting past the argument's. If you still want him, show him how valuable he is to the family. Get yourself a better frame of mind. Make up and be happy with each other's company again. Be the best friend.

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 4:18 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • It is not too late to reconcile your differences. Communication works wonders, sit down with him and talk like two adults. If this is impossible without the screaming then I suggest you sit down with paper and pencil in hand and write away your heart in that paper, then give it to him, see what happens.....
    older

    Answer by older at 4:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Men need physical affection. I'm not saying that you should have sex when you really don't want to...but compromise is important.
    It sounds like things have escalated more than they need to. Have a talk with him or write him a note. Don't let him sleep in the couch another night! I try to never go to bed mad..even if we have to stay up all night working it out, we always sleep in the same bed (unless there is a sick baby or something). I think the advice of the previous posters was great, see if you can incorporate some of their ideas and make it work. Pregnancy and birth control can really mess up your hormones. Get your thyroid checked and find a new method to prevent pregnancy.
    tobys.mommy

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 5:18 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Dont worry you guys will get through this. Your not alone,I believe every relationship has or will go through this at least once.My fiance and i had an issue at one point.My sex drive was so low compare to his,and that started alot of fights.But now that we are having a baby it brought us closer together and My sex drive went up. I agree with admckenzie that men think sex=love.It sounds like he needs to be reasured that you still love him sexually.If you love him and are very sad then you got to talk to him about how to figure out a way to put you in the mood.Good luck!!!
    meleia396

    Answer by meleia396 at 5:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree, he can't make it so you never see your daughter again. That's just not gonna happen. Hell, he doesn't even work! And, if you guys were to divorce, it would be because of his nastiness.
    You did get some really good advice. I would have a hard time being the bigger person here, with how he's treated you. But, he's not worked in a few years. And now he's not had sex. So, he probably feels like a schmuck. And that's where the nastiness is coming from. However, that is no excuse, and he needs to knock it off. It's unattractive, and won't get him anywhere.
    I love the letter advice. That's what I usually suggest, that's what I'd always gone with. Except it was usually not a very nice letter. Because I was always pissed. I'd tell my hubby how I felt, and why, but I wasn't nice. He got the point, and realized he was being an ass, point was made, point was gotten. Try it. Write a letter, give it to him before you go to work.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:48 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Thank you guys SOOO much for all the suggestions and positive attitudes!! I was so stressed out and was completely freaking out and not knowing how to handle this situation. Last night we sat down and had like a 7 hour conversation and worked things out and we even did it :D lol. And I am changing my birth control for real because I normally have a high sex drive so this super sucks for me since it has lowered it. again, thanks everyone for helping me gain some confidence and all that jazz lol
    punkypreggo

    Comment by punkypreggo (original poster) at 1:31 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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