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2 Bumps

ok, explain to me why...

people post things and then complain when you give advice?

Today I have answered several questions and then just as I post it I read the other responses. And the OP has said "didn't ask for your sympathy, advice or etc I just want to know if anyone else is experiencing the same" Not the exact words but that is close. I don't understand. If I vent about something I would like to hear things that could make it better. I don't want to hear "oh, I understand it's the same thing with me" I want to know how to make whatever I am talking about better. My DH always says things like "I understand" "I hear what you're saying" that is the most irritating thing, I want to hear something helpful. I give advice on here because I think people are looking for it. Am I wrong? I'm sorry that old phrase "they don't want you to fix the problem, they want you to listen" is just plain stupid. I want to find a fix to my problems! I dont' want to just vent or bitch about something and leave it be. I want to make things better. These things weren't rude either just people posting advice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in About CafeMom

Answers (9)
  • I think that sometimes people feel if they are sharing that they are on the same level w/ you, or have had the same experience as you, you will be more confident in the advice they share w/ you. But I have also noticed that some people do have their panties in a bunch- and it's not just here- it's at school too. I think everyone is a bit wound up w/ the holidays coming. For the most part, this is a fun place to vent, share advice, etc. I hope you can find the help you need with whatever the problem is. Good luck.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:18 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Thanx, mrsmom but I was saying that I was giving advice for a problem and then the poster complained because she didn't want advice, she just wanted to know if anyone else had the same problem. When I ask someone if they have the same problem I am looking for some answers or help and I was just wondering why people only want to hear "yeah me too" what help is that when you are having an issue or problem. To me that seems like a pity party instead of trying to make it better.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Your DH listens and understands, and you're irritated??? Most women would kill for a man that just sympathizes instead of trying to fix everything.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • @onethentwins- That's my point, I get the words and nothing else, what is wrong with wanting someone to help you fix it? To me the words sound like he watched a show that said "your woman don't want you to fix it they want you to understand them and listen" And when he says these things they are empty words he is just saying them like he heard the answer somewhere. I didn't get married to find all the answers myself I want someone to jump in and give some suggestions. Wow, wouldn't it be terrible if someone actually gave a good answer to make your life easier? or no, you would rather just keep being miserable?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:38 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • If I see a post where the OP is overly critical of the responses, I just move on. She really doesn't want help.
    HotMama330

    Answer by HotMama330 at 10:56 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I agree with you. I feel better when I can get feedbacks oppose to "oh this is fine" or "I understand". I totally see where you are coming from. I also think that some moms feel better with a simple responds. This is simply a give and take because unless you personally know the mom who made the post we don't know if we're dealing with moms who like simple response. I think it would be beneficial for the mom making the post to say that she's not looking for advice to help other moms instead of getting upset. I think that it would be a lot easier.
    kewi86

    Answer by kewi86 at 8:01 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Um...are you really asking me to explain it, or you are asking for concensus for your view? Sounds familiar? Honestly if someone starts with "I am venting" or "just venting", I think it's pretty clear they just want you to listen and sympatheize. Anything else, I am with you, get a solution to the problem. Solve it and move on.
    Olivia4116

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 10:49 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • My guess is, they are just specifically looking for people to agree with them or feel exactly the same and they don't want to hear anything different.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 8:43 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • well i always try to give ok advice
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 2:03 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

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