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Do you think she is being rude or valid ?

I am dating a great guy ( we are planning on moving in together in January, and talking about marriage but not for another year ) ... I have a 7 year old daughter and a 3 year old son ( previous marriage) and he has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship and has shared custody of her....

We have been together for over a year and are together everyday , so of course I have gotten close to his daughter, and her and my daughter are almost attached to the hip ( they even want to share a bedroom when we buy the new house...

The other day when her mom came to pick her up she told my SO that he needs to figure something out with his work schedule so he can be the one to start picking her up from school next week because she had her shcedule changed so she can get more sleep .... My SO told her there is no way to change his schedule ( he manages an office and can only work the one shift) ........ So since I was sitting right there I chimed in and said that if she didnt care I could get her because I live right there by the school and I walk to get my daughter everyday anyways, and that way they can play for the 30-40 mintues until he gets home... I didnt think this would be a problem since I have "watched" her before, and she has stayed at my house many times... and of course my SO thought it was a good idea.... but Her mom BLEW UP and literally threw a hissy fit saying I wasnt her daughters mother and WILL NOT be aloud around her, especially by myself...

I just walked out of the room and my SO had her leave... but I was so mad ( but of course i didnt say anything because I think that would be DISRESPECTFUL )

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • She is being rude but you can't really do anything because it will just make things harder on you SO and his daughter.

    Answer by TaraK. at 9:47 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • That was very rude of her. If the two of you are planning to marry, she needs to get used to the idea that her dd will be spending time with you. It was generous to offer.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 9:47 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • She could have handled it better but I assume she doesn't know you very well and me personally wouldn't trust someone I didn't know very well with my child. Its good that you offered but look at it from a mothers perspective.

    Answer by vjoaquin at 9:50 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You should be very proud of yourself for being the bigger person. There's not a lot more you can do now. Just focus on your loved ones, and let her sort it out on her own, she seems bitter, and unhappy...

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:53 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Without knowing more then what your post revealed it sounds like you had your heart in the right place but please consider the ex's behavior it will likely only become more inappropriate when the move in happens. Let S/O know the offer is still open and let it go, she sounds super jealous of what is happening with her ex and daughter creating a "new family" with you and yours that does not include her. On the catty side she needs to get real - changed her work schedule to get more sleep before confirming arrangements with Dad sounds like interfearing bullpoop to me - what does she want more money for an after school program or to challenge the custody agreement? but that's just me being mean. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

    Answer by mrsljamieson at 9:54 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I think you did the right thing by walking away to let them figure it out. But I also think it was great that you offered to pick her up, it sounds like the mom was feeling a bit insecure- hopefully she'll get over it and accept that you are a part of her daughter's family. Sounds like you tried to do the right thing, hopefully she'll come around!!

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:58 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • She does know me though... we went to school together .. and I have been around her daughter for over a year ... my SO has her 3-4 days a week ( one week it is 3 days, the next week it is 4 days ) ... and so I am pretty much there everytime she is with her dad, I am even the one who makes her meals, helps her pick out her clothes, helps her with school work, etc...

    I mean I understand that she doesnt have to like me.. it would be nice since I am planning a future with him and we will be somewhat involved ( me and her mother) ... and I know that she has always had this kind of attitude ( even in school she always came off as snobby ) ..... but it just bugs me so much... she knows I am around her daughter alot, she knows we are buying a house ( and therefore I will be there EVERYTIME her daughter is there)... I just think if she is really worried about her being in my care she could have a talk or something ....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:01 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • It was kind and generous of you to offer. Of course, as the mum of the girl, the ex-gf has the right to choose who child sits for her. That being said, the manner in which she declined your offer was far from polite. She should have been more tactful.

    Answer by SamKJones at 10:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • also I forgot to mention... they never had a real relationship they dated for 2-3 weeks, she got pregnant and left the state to be with her family.. she came back when their little girl was almost a year old..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:03 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • Wow well if she doesn't like that option she better not change her schedule thats what I would tell SO to tell her.

    Answer by hill2 at 10:12 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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