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3 Bumps

I have this fear...

I know I don't belong with my SO...he doesn't deserve me...he isn't considerate...won't communicate...cares only about himself and those are the good parts...then to top it of...last year at about 20 years of marriage...he decides to have a relationship (not just an affair) with an ugly, nasty, cum dumpster that doesn't deserve the attention I would give a used tampon and after he swore up and down he wouldn't do anything again...on Christmas eve we go to my bf house and everyone drank off their ass (except me...i'm a recovering alcoholic been sober for 4 years) and I found them making out and groping in a room...they both blamed it on the alcohol.

Well, with all this said, I'm still here and I've been thinking about it and I'm still here partly in fear that when I leave the next women will get a new and improved Mr Wonderful and I'm sitting around here hoping that it will someday be me. Has anyone else lived their time with someone just hoping he will SOMEDAY be different?

Did he change ever?

If not with you, did he change with the next women that came along to the point where you didn't recognize the man?


Asked by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:24 PM on Dec. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,621 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)

    Honey, he may pretend, and put on a great act for a couple of months, if you leave and come back.

    They never change ...

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:05 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • He won't change if he doesn't want to and it seems like your man doesn't want to. He knows no matter what you do, you're going to forgive him. I think it's time to kick him to curb and change the locks. Find yourself a REAL man.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You need to leave. JMHO. If he hasn't changed after 20 years then he isn't going to.

    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:29 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • You can't make him change and you're going to waste valuable years of your life sitting there hoping he'll someday "see the light." Who cares who gets him after you leave? At least it won't be you. Get out and get on with your own life.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:32 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I agree. It's time to do for yourself, after 20 years. He doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be happy, cared for, and loved.

    Answer by cbk_mom3 at 10:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I stayed with my ex husband for 4 years. He cheated on me (had two children by two different women while we were married), he was an alcoholic, a drug addict and an abuser. I *knew* he was going to change for me. I loved him enough to make him change. One day it hit me (or maybe it was him...) he was never going to be the man I thought I could make him be. We parted ways and not on good terms. He and his current wife stalked me for a while. Odd, I know. So anyway. Now she gets to be abused and cheated on. Not too long ago he gave her a black eye, broken nose and shattered her cheek bone. All I could do was thank God I got out before he had the chance to do that to me. Not that he didn't break bones, but never broke any in my face.
    Needless to say, I will never wait on another man to change. If he's broken, I'm not willing to fix him. My life here on Earth is too short to waste it on garbage.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 10:37 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • I'm sorry to say this, and it's easy to talk about it when it happens to someone else, but after what he did I seriously do not see this guy changing whether you stay or go. It makes me sad to see women staying with men like this. I watched my own sister stay with a dirtbag loser who pulled so much crap with her, including cheating, there is not enough room in this box to write it all. Finally she threw him out, divorced him and now has a great guy that we all like and he treats her so well. Every couple has their issues, me and my DH have been through some unbelievable stuff and we're not perfect by any stretch, but this kind of thing is just so over the top. In my opinion there is a real man down the road for you. Even if it takes a while to meet him, it's better than putting up with this crap from a man who was supposed to put you above all others.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:40 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • yeah, my ex changed after we split up. It took a long time for him to grow up. I used to be so angry that I was the one that he put his hands on and I was the one that had to be with him when he had his addictions, and treated me like crap. Then someone else was getting the best of him. I am totally over him now. He is getting ready to move in with someone in a few months. I am happy for him. I am happy he is not screwing up a 2nd chance at a family. I look back and see that I learned a lot from being with him. Maybe thats the wake up call he needs? Wether you go back to him, and work it out or someone else gets him, you deserve to stop playing the waiting game. Go enjoy your life. Has he always been like this the entire time you have been married? Do you feel that either of you really love each other anymore? Good luck and lots love and hugs to you mama!

    Answer by 1nglmom3 at 10:32 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • My oldest granddaughter's father is this way. He was a walking nightmare when he and my daughter began dating. But, she was blind to it for a long time. Once she found out she was pregnant, he really began showing his dark side. He finally told her he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. He already has 2 older kids, a girl who's now 11,and a boy who's 9. He began dating a girl I was working with. The day my granddaughter was born, they found out his new girlfriend was pregnant. My granbaby has a little brother who is 8 months and 1 day younger than her. Their father is now in prison,for molesting his niece. When he gets out, I don't want him anywehre near my grandbaby. He will be a registered sex offender,and that's just fine. My daughter is married now, and her husband has been a great father to my granddaughter. He's the only daddy she knows, and we want to keep it that way.

    Answer by cbk_mom3 at 11:14 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

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