Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

im in the mood but hes not.... adult content

i dont know many men who turn down sex but my husband does. more times then i would admit. he does it to punish me after a fight or he just has a low sex drive.... if you have this issue let me know what you do about it? he is more interested in playing video games then making love. the whole try being sexy and teasing or even starting will just annoy him and take away any chance in sex. he doesnt understand this makes me feel ugly and unwanted that im not good enough for him.

Answer Question

Asked by mamajennie31010 at 12:45 AM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (276 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm so sorry momma! I went threw the same thing with my DH. The only thing that helps me now is if I start watching porn while he's in the room. If I didn't do that I know I'd still be having the same issue. Have you ever talked to him about it tho just sat him down and ask him if he thinks your ugly or whatever and then tell him that's exactly how he makes you feel. Make sure you mention that it's not when he turns you down once in a while but when he is constantly doing it. He may not be aware he's hurting you.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 12:48 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I think it's time for a sit down discussion. Tell him how you feel in non-accusatory terms (when you do such-and-such, it makes me feel blah blah blah.). Video games are not allowed in our house!! DH has back issues, so sometimes when I'm raring to go, he just physically can't. I know it upsets him, too. He's also dealt with low testosterone. Maybe your DH needs his levels checked? There's a cream that he would have to put on daily if that's the case. Good luck, mama! I hope you guys are able to work through this!

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:49 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • he is 20 years old to add to the dilemma. we have talked about this many times. when we talk about this he feels like all i want is sex for our relationship. and i try to explain i want to be intimate with him doesnt mean all i want is sex. he has cancer in his knee so when that flares up i dont mention it but most of the time he says its because we have had a fight or i did something "wrong" and its punishment. not a fan of porn.

    Comment by mamajennie31010 (original poster) at 12:55 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • If he's "punishing" you for something you did wrong it's time to find a new man hun! I personally consider that a form of both mental abuse (because he knows how it makes you feel and he doesn't care) and manipulation. Neither are cool and very well could lead to other problems like physical abuse. This isn't just about him saying no to sex anymore momma. You need to get out while you still can.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 1:01 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • i need to stop letting him have so much control and not care so much until he does. and he is my husband we have a 9 month old. i love him and i am not the easiest to live with trust me on that. been married for 2 years. i dont believe in divorce but have been thinking about it more often then i should.... he does stuff just to "punish" me. i see it as child games. does the ignoring thing A LOT. this is why i never dated younger. we have some big problems and he wont talk about any of it or just blame me. where we used to live i was very lazy so he is being lazy now.

    Comment by mamajennie31010 (original poster) at 1:08 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • uh.. my man is in his 30s. He says he has a low sex drive. and i've told him how it makes me feel when he turns me down. most times we have sex once a month. NOT COOL. cuz i would like to fuck all the time. I'm young. i'm in my mid 20s. Though he does not "punish" me in any way. He just says he doesn't feel like it and looks at me weird when i try to get him in the mood. I guess it's a lost cause.

    Answer by MamaSince2005 at 1:13 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • i know what you mean err its so annoying. i have an app on my phone to keep track of sex and monthly things and some months we did it less then 7 times. i wish for 3 times a week! i would recommend self pleasuring. it helps a lot but he saw it has me cheating in some weird way... we just want sex! errr

    Comment by mamajennie31010 (original poster) at 1:26 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • This so bad, but true. We are married 25 years in March. When were married approx. 2 years it was a effort to be and feel sexy so I mailed myself some flowers and kissed and hugged my baby for the beautiful flowers. He never said he did not send them but he sure became romantic when he thought some one else sent them. Wrong I know but he became super fly real fast.


    Answer by rosetoes at 3:46 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • there's two separate issues here- one is the lack of sex, but the other is using that as a form of "punishment". that's straight up pyschological abuse, he's messing with your head. be careful with that, because usually those things only get worse (i got married @ 19, the psychological abuse turned physical and i didn't leave for two years- it was insanity, so jus saying...).

    now, however, i'm in a much more stable relationship- except i always want the sex and he doesn't. he's 7yrs older and works 40+ hrs though. at first i took it personally, b/c i've never seen a man not want sex before, but then i finally realized that's just how he is. the more i pushed the subject, the worse it got. so i let it go- and now we only have sex on the weekends, but even though it's much less than i want, it's also much better- quality over quantity :)

    so good luck!

    Answer by lexi8622 at 11:11 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • aww i would send you flowers hehe if it would help!!!

    yea its made my self esteem at an all time low. i am gonna turn him down and make him feel how i feel. even if i really want to i am gonna say no. i am hopefully getting te marina (iud) today and maybe then we will do it more. maybe he is afraid of me getting preggo? idk. he would NEVER hurt me, i know that more then anything. i just think that he is inexperienced and i am well being blunt very experienced. even when people were telling us to have sex so our son would come on his own terms he wouldnt help me out so i ended with a c-section. which he doesnt know i blame him for in a way. idk if its punishment or more he just as a low sex drive like his father.. please dont ask how i know that. lol

    Comment by mamajennie31010 (original poster) at 11:34 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.