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If your parents were majorly dissapointed...

when you told them you were pregnant the 2nd time around, what would you make of it? I was married, even before getting pregnant with the 1st baby. Had a healthy baby and all. Had insurance, had 2 incomes, mine and dh's that were decent money. Told parents we were pregnant again(kids were 3 years apart) and they literally had looks on their faces that said they were p.o.ed! It's been nearly 3 years since that baby was born, she's healthy and very loving and smart. I've yet to hear a congrats from them. I brought this up to them millions of times but they deny it all. They don't treat her very nice. They give her older bro EVERYTHING he wants. They buy him TONS of toys and clothes and allow him to spend the night with them since he was a year old. They RARELY buy dd anything, act like they don't want her to so much as visit a few hours, and she isn't allowed to spend the night. When I ask why, mom says she's"just not set up in the house to accommodate". My parents never had a boy, and made it no secret that I was supposed to be one. They brought blue clothes to the hospital and everything. They never treated me like I was good enough and now they are doing it to dd. Also right before I got pregnant with ds, they told me they were trying to have another baby and wanted a boy(at the ages of 50+ for both of them!!!). Then when I told them I was having a boy they stopped "trying" and pretty much look at my ds as theirs. It really hurts my feelings for dd to see her treated this way. And no, I'm not exaggerating anything. It's actually much worse than this and I could give a hundred examples of different things they do to her that isn't fair but it would be too long to type here. My question is, what am I supposed to tell dd when she finally figures out they aren't being fair? She's just 2 now, but almost 3. If you are wondering why I continue to allow ds to visit them/spend the night, etc its because right now I have to because we are a one car family, dh works several miles away and leaves for work way before school. They take ds to school and pick him up from school. A bus isn't an option here. It's easier for ds to spend weekday nights there because he has to get up so early each morning for school and I don't have a car with me anyways.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:45 AM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I have been dealing with my parents bs for almost 10 years now. They didnt want me to get married when I did, they said it wouldnt last, we have been married for 9 years. They hated the fact that I got pregnant the first time because I was too young, I was 18, mad the second time because they didnt think I needed more kids, and mad the next 3 times also, I am prego with my fifth right now. They were pissed off with my last baby, he is seven months old, and they still have not wanted to meet him or asked to see pics, because I did not name him after anyone in my family. So I came to this conclusion. I dearly love my parents, but I can love them from afar. I dont want them influencing my children with their negativity. It is less stress for me not to listen to their judgemental comments. Nothing that you say or do will change your parents. I have been trying to make mine happy all my life, but nothing is ever good enough for
    elffyefli

    Answer by elffyefli at 8:17 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • my mil treats my youngest different as well.....she will take the other 2 anytime she can, but she always wants me to take her with me. We live 500 miles away, so it really pisses me off when she does this shit. I understood it when she was a newborn, but she is over 2 now! I have seen where she will get the other 2 things when they go somewhere like the zoo and not get my baby anything. It makes me not go up to see family as much. I could go on andon about the crap that she does. I know how you feel! How can they do this and not even care about their feelings??? You can find a way to not need their help.....just keep searching!
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 4:40 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Can your son ride the bus to school from your house? Even if you only have one car, it seems like there has got to be a way for you to have your son at YOUR house on school nights - so you can get your parents out of your life a little more.

    The way your parents are treating your daughter is NOT okay. I have friends with whom this has happened and it is so hurtful to everyone involved. I'm sorry that they are taking this attitude. I can tell you that the best way I saw anyone handle it was to say, "You love and treat both my children equally or you don't see either of them"

    It seems like you can't really count on your parents in the way that you need. It is really hard to do, but you have to focus on your husband & kids and put some limits between your family and them.
    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 6:51 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Honestly, if your parents are that crazy, I would not want them influencing my boy. They are treating him like he is better then sister, and even if she cannot understand that right now, he can, even if he can't articulate. Ask yourself if you would allow a friend or stranger to treat your kids this way if your "had" to rely on them for help.

    I know you only have one car and your husband's job is far and early, but I am sure there is a better, more mentally healthy option for your children. Your son is now super attached to them and their influence. I think it would be best just to work out other school/work arrangements, and slowly disassociate your son from his grandparents. If this problem is really as bad as you say it is, you should not have allowed your son to become so attached to a couple of crazies, even if they are related. That is irrelavant. You can still fix this problem, but you can't fix your parents.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 4:15 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • them, and probably never will be. I am happy and that is all that matters. If you are happy with your descisions and your parents are not then no offense to them or you, but screw them. It is your life, and your decsion to have how ever many children you want. Hope this helps :)
    elffyefli

    Answer by elffyefli at 8:18 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • i have five kids but when i had my first my mil wanted nothing to do with him it took them 4yrs to come around and by the time i had the other four she still want nothing do with them ,kids now something is up ,my daughter at young age new that oma was mean lady ,we just kept her at arms length and you need to do the same thing , i had same thing happen to my friend her mother tryed to take her child way from her saying she was unfit to take care her child ,you and your hubby will move closer to his job and new school for your child mom and dad are up to some thing and it smells fishy ,and run do not walk to your lawyer or to childerns aid report them they will help it is call abuse they are abusing your child ,
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 8:26 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I agree with Sweetpotato about setting limits for your parents as far as your family (CHILDREN) goes. This type of treatment is only hurting both of your children even now.
    cakes258

    Answer by cakes258 at 2:15 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • That last sentence you posted couldn't have said it better! I wish to God I could change them. They think in their little world everything they do is peaches and cream and everyone else is wrong. I am working on getting ds out of there, trust me. It's going to take a bit before we can get a second car, but when we do, ds will be going to school and back with me and if they want him to stay whether its during the day or at night, I will be insisting dd stay as well. But honestly, I don't think its going to happen very often because they have already done some major damage. Ds refers to their house as "his" and thinks he doesn't have to mind me or dh when he is there. He often tells dd that she can't stay there and such. I've literally balled my eyes out on this until they were sore. I walk on egg shells daily with them so that ds has a ride to school. I miss out too because they take him on field trips and such.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:32 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • The whole reason we aren't able to afford a second car in the first place is because parents forced me to quit my job when I had dd. They waited until the day she was born to tell me that they couldn't do it. I couldn't afford a sitter either so I had to quit work. That one decision by them has caused severe financial mess. They were fine to watch ds for over 2 years while I worked but they didn't want to watch dd....and its a shame too because they are the ones who are missing out. Even ds said last week to them that they needed to take dd home with them "for about 5 days".
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:36 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • thank you, Luv! Idk how they can not care about dd's feelings, I asked myself that numerous times and all I can come up with is that they are callus. They also insult dh on a regular basis to his face. They are jealous because he graduated college with 2 impressive degrees and has a good job,etc. They never went to college and are currently both jobless. (don't feel too sympathetic, they aren't looking for jobs). They also hate it that dh moved literally across the country to marry me and that I don't have to listen to their brainwashing and rules anymore. They hate it that they cannot control me anymore, though they still do to a point because ds pretty much lives there. They treat me like I am a complete idiot. My mom will actually get angry with me if she finds out I have washed ds's "school clothes" aka clothes that she bought. She claims I shrink them in the dryer and "ruin them". Funny how that could happen when cont
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:55 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

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