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Should I allow this?

Ok, real short. My DS is now engaged, his ex girlfriend(who we actually liked) is now contacting him asking him for permission to come by (my) home to visit with his siblings, myself and DH..He says he doesnt care..I on the other hand do not want to disrespect his fiancee (who we adore, cant wait until they wed), my hubby say its no big deal.

I dont want to be mean to her because she is a nice girl (just was not the one for my son, she had relationship issues and would break up with him for anything and everything), he finally got tried of the drama and broke it off.

The break up happen 2yrs ago, we have not heard from her since. She has all our numbers and never tried to contact...His sibling are 15 and under an I dont want them to get confused by her visit...What do you ladies think, am I over thinking this..Help.

 
sam223

Asked by sam223 at 8:27 AM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,043 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Personally I wouldn't let her come by. Just seems odd to me. I'm sure your son and his fiance would appreciate it. Of course it's your decision though. But girls are very knifing and who knows what she may be up to.
    kayaiden8907

    Answer by kayaiden8907 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Is there a potential for a long-term relationship with this woman and your family? Is that something you want? My intuition is to say no. She has her own life to live and since she's not been interested in keeping a relationship with you following the break-up, my guess is her renewed interest in your family may coincide with her learning of your son's engagement. I see little probability of something positive coming out of her visiting with your younger children and great potential for problems.

    If I were you, I would let it drop. If she does call again to ask for a visit, you can politely and firmly tell her that you appreciate the offer, but you don't wish to confuse your younger children, as they are preparing to welcome a new family member. Share that you always thought she was a nice girl and that you wish her very well in her future plans.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 8:35 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Hmm thats tough. If it were me, I probably would tell I didn't feel like it was a good idea out of respect to your future daughter in law. If you havent heard from this girl in 2 years then I think there's a reason she is trying to come back into your lives and her intentions may not be very good AT ALL! Sounds fishy
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I might allow one short visit and then after that distance yourselves. If I was your son's fiancee, I might interpret the gesture as my future husband's family still wants her in their lives, where do I fit in? My mother allowed my brother's ex to come and visit and though my brother was not okay with it - unlike your son, it kind of undermined her relationship with his fiancee at the time. None of them have spoken since, but I'm sure there were other issues anyway. Since your son is okay with it, maybe you could gently ask his fiancee if she is okay with it, and reassure her that it has nothing to do with how much you adore her.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • If my SO's ex all of a sudden wanted to see his parents when she found out we were getting married, it would upset me. I think out of respect for you soon to be daughter in law, that you should not let her over. She doesn't contact you for 2 years & now that your son is marrying, she wants to come by? No....that is a HUGE drama starter right there. AND, if your soon to be DIL finds out, it might really hurt her. I know that it would really hurt my feelings if it was me. She is no longer in his life, there is no reason why she should keep a relationship with his family. Seems to me that she might have some ulterior motives. I'm sure she is bummed he's getting married & she wants to stick her butt in because she now realized she screwed up a good thing.

    Something similar happened to me & i will explain below, not enough room...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:38 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Your gut tells you not to in respect for your son and his fiance.......go with your gut.
    She is calling AFTER your son has moved on and made marriage plans with his new woman. That is too suspicious.
    Next time she calls, tell her that her relationship with your son is over and has been for 2 years and that you don't wish her to come back in to your house and cause drama.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:42 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Your DIL might not tell you the truth that it bothers her. She could say it's fine but be really sad inside about it. I think it's very disrespectful to her (maybe because i was in a similar situation) I think you DO need your DIL's approval, she is going to be the one who will be in your family the rest of your lives, not the ex girlfriend. She is the one you will be disrespecting by allowing the ex back into your lives.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:13 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • WHY would she want to visit with her ex-boyfriends family? Even if you all got along, WHY? My thought is there is more to it....
    monshine2

    Answer by monshine2 at 2:24 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I would says something. She has not tried to contact anyone in the last two years, its not time for her to start now!
    JuneBug1985

    Answer by JuneBug1985 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Id meet her personally for coffee or a drink and find out what her intentions are. You dont wanna step on anyones toes or hurt her either. Just sounds a little strange that she wants to come around now that hes engaged. But a short meeting away from home is a good place to start
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:31 AM on Dec. 8, 2010