Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Adoptive Moms, Birth moms: How much age difference is there in you and your child's other mom? Who is older?

I was wondering if most amoms are older than their children's birth moms? If so, by how much? Does it ever bother you to be older/younger?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (17)
  • The a-mom I chose is about 13 year older than me - she has older children. It doesn't bother me. She was like another mom to me, and her older kids were like sisters to me. For us it was a great thing. I couldn't imagine an a-mom close to my age - that would have been weird, and even now 10 years later it would feel weird. I was 19 when I had my baby so it's not like I was too young, I just felt comfortable choosing someone who was older and had the mom experience already!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • The other mother in my case is 13 years older. I imagine that's usually the case since amoms spend years trying to conceive before they adopt and bmoms are young and fertile. (generally)

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:22 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I am actually 9 years younger than my girls birth mother. I would have only been 19 if I would have given birth to them. I am 5 years older than my son's birth mom. I am 30 and have twins that are going to be 11 on Saturday and one three year old. I think that adoptive moms tend to be older but it's not always the case. I became a foster parent at 23 and was 28 and 29 when my kids adoptions were final :)

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 1:58 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • My son's adoptive mom is 8 years older than I am. She was 30 when she adopted him, I was nearly 22. Until reunion, I knew nothing about her. I think if I had found out she was younger than me, I would have been shocked.

    I know lots of birth/natural moms and most are quite a bit younger than the amom.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:39 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I am younger. I am younger by exactly one year and one day. She had three children before my child was born and reported to us two after. Most of my friends who are adoptive parents is split with the age. Some are younger, some are similar in age range, and some are older. Some were married (birth parents), divorced, separated, or single. Each situation was unique. My child's birth mother had previously been married but divorced for some time. While I had been married for some time and had been dating since since high school. Her birthday is the day before mine.

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:13 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Most of my friends (close friends) adopted their children in their early 20's. Graduated from college, married, and immediately started their families through adoption. Personally, I thought it was odd to be such young parents but in each case they are very mature and good mothers.

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:17 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I am one year younger than my DD's bmom and 2 years younger than my DS's bmom. Sometimes I feel badly for my kids because they don't have a young mom (me), but then I remember that they would have had an older mom either way! I like being the same age because I can relate to them pretty well. There are some lifestyle things that we don't have in common, but there is a lot that we do have in common.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 5:13 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • The amom is 7 years older then me. That's not much really. Still I always have this picture in my head that she's is so much older. She's only a year older then my sister.

    Answer by lisa89j at 5:29 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • My son's adoptive mother is 23 years older than me. I was 18 and she was 41. I wouldn't have choosen someone my age or even close to my age then, plus with all the requirements I had for an adoptive couple its not surprising the age difference (they are older than my parents.)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:58 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I do at times feel so old....but weird because his mother is older. I was 30 when he was born. But for some reason younger seems to be the preference.  I was told by a few younger moms that 30 and older is selfish to have children.  ???????  I really don't care much about age: young or older can equally be good or not so good.


    Answer by frogdawg at 7:56 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.