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Does anyone else wish they could be a sahm?

I hate working, and still having to take care of the kids, do all the house cleaning, shopping, bill paying and everything. I love my husband but he works nights and so everything is on me. He sometimes helps with doing the floors and he takes and picks the kids up from school on occasion. He stays up til about 2-3 in the morning then sleeps until 12-2 in the afternoon. I feel like I am doing it all. I used to be a sahm but we just can't afford it anymore I have to work. I am starting to resent him for this and all he says is well I work nights so what more can I do. I feel like he can do alot and just won't. I also work about 55 hours a week while he works about 45. What would you do?


I never get a minute to myself even while working because I am self employed and have an in home daycare. Right now the kids are napping and thats the only way I can get on here, but I still have to tip toe around my house. I also can't let chores go for the day even if I wanted because of the daycare. I can't get a job outside of the house because I wouldn't make half as much as I make doing this. I would also like to ad that even though I am at home I am not a sahm because I am here 11 hours a day 5 days a week, I may be at home but believe me I'm not at home, I'm working.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • The economy took care of the problem for me. I was laid off in October of 2008 and haven't been back to work since. I am going to school instead and enjoying my time with my kids. He's paying the bills just fine by himself so I don't feel guilty at all.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:30 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I do. I used to love my job, I still do. But I really wish I could stay home.

    Answer by mompam at 3:31 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I so wish I could be a SAHM - working everyday is so hard, especially when you have to do the house work and take care of the kids. I always feel like I am falling behind in one area or another, even though my husband is extremely helpful and hands-on. Most people cannot afford to be a SAHM anymore - its just the economy. Just try to do the best you can do - my mom always told me "no one ever won an award for having the cleanest house" so if you have to let some chores slip for one day so you can relax or spend more time with your kids, then do that. Its a balancing act but it sounds like you are doing a great job!

    Answer by tarakenyon06 at 3:31 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Write out a chore list for your DH and yourself. I guess that sounds silly - but if you're both working, you both have to share in the chores.

    Answer by Scuba at 3:33 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • No. I would go crazy if I didn't work.

    Answer by Fawn80 at 3:33 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Wow, that's a tough one OP.... I feel your pain regarding the DH working nights situation. My DH has been doing that for years and I totally felt like a single parent. It's so difficult when you don't get that moment or 2 for yourself. I thought I was going to go crazy! I was a SAHAM for the 1st year, and I was miserable. I decided to nanny during the week so I could have the best of both worlds. I hope you find a solution hun! I ended up demanding that DH find another job working days. He agreed but took no intiative. I got online and sent his resume to anything I could find that was in his field with his income. He ended up w/ an offer and has now worked there for several months. We are all so much happier! It sucks that I had to light the fire under him, but in the end, I HAD to do something to save my sanity!

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:34 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I am a SHAM and IMO working was easier, even with having to do everything else. There are days I'd like to "work" just to get 15 minutes to myself at some point in the day.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 3:37 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I am a stay at home mom, and the grass is not always greener. I love and value the time I spend with my children and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I resent him for being able to get out there and be around grownups and have mature conversation. I think there is an upside and a downside to both situations. You just do what you have to to support your family whether it's emotionally or financially. But there are times when I second guess my decision. I miss working and feeling like a productive member of the working world. Still, I am lucky that I get to spend all this time with my children.

    Answer by Treefrog64 at 3:40 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • There are days when I definitely feel that it would be easier to be a SAHM. Our situation is no such that we'd go hungry if I didn't work, but we'd be tighter & DH couldn't go to school. Working right now is a means to an end for me (DH finishing nursing school) but I love my work. It's fulfilling. When he's done, working will be completely optional for me and we'll revisit then.
    I understand what you are saying. I work all day long, get up early & I still have the same obligations that a SAHM has all day to do. However, my husband helps me. I told him point blank a long time ago that if he starts leaving the house all to me, then I'll start leaving the providing all on him. You can share both duties or one of you can take providing & one take caring for the house. Those are the only options that are acceptable in my world and we are quite clear on that.

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 3:46 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I don't think I could just be a SAHM. I would go crazy! I like my job and work part time and go to school part time. I like how things are with the part time work...out of the house enough so I don't go insane and at home enough to stay on top of things. I just want to be done with school and make more money working part time! :)

    Answer by michelle121003 at 3:57 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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