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3 Bumps

Can She raise her kid right?

Forgive my frankness. I have a friend that is white, she is pregnant with a friend of hers who is black (dont ask) anyhow, all of her black friends tell her that she should work out a relationship with the guy for the sake of the kid (even though he is completely undependable and irresponsible) and that she can not possibly raise her kid the right way b/c she is white and the baby will be part black. They tell her she wont raise her to have a healthy respect for her culture. I am furious for her for two reasons... 1 who do they think they are to tell her she doesnt know how to raise HER child? and 2 the color of the baby's skin has nothing to do with how she raises her. First and foremost, you teach your kids to be kind and good... not black or white. And it especially bugs me b/c this friend in particular is very culturally aware and will absolutely teach her child of her heritage and how important it is. These people just make me upset. What are your thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Dec. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (28)
  • I think you've found yourself a pack of genuine bigots right there, ma'am... and perhaps the next time the conversation comes up, you could point it out for them. They probably just haven't noticed.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:03 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • well my thought is that the child does need black people in their life as well. actually other mixed people might be better, because that is who they would identify with the most. you don't want the kid to feel like an outcast, and i hope that she has some black (or mixed) friends to get tips on haircare....that's a big thing that you need to learn first hand. i guess what they were trying to say is that the child needs someone other than white to identify with. sometimes the problem is that if the child is 'whitewashed' they will not be accepted by the black community, and they do not feel like they totally belong in the white community (because of how they look). it's a common identity crisis felt by mixed people (and even light skinned people like me lol). but truthfully the answer is not going to be the father solely. it's going to be having a diverse group of close friends.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:10 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • well a parent knows when they raise there kids right
    lorettasue

    Answer by lorettasue at 9:11 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • My parents did foster care and I had 3 black siblings growing up and they never suffered from any cultural differences. My parents let them be who they were according to their personalities not by what they looked like. one of my brother went to college, the other didn't and ended up moving to the ghetto and my sister is going to cosmetology school. they're PEOPLE they're going to be who they are regardless of how they're raised
    Parkers_Mommy8

    Answer by Parkers_Mommy8 at 9:12 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I'm a redhead and I wasn't raised by a redhead. The argument that one needs to be raised in the same culture as their parents is stupid. Those people have no idea what they are talking about.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • You're right. Of course she can raise her child well.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:21 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Those are very ignorant comments that her friends have made. It shouldn't have came out of their mouth in the first place. It's not just african americans that can make obscene comments like that. There is people from many races that does that without thinking first. I'm an african american woman and I'm not one of those women who would make those comments that your friend's friends made. I'm not offended but I just wanted to make note on that. Now back to the issue you should tell her that those are not friends if they are putting her down like that. She could use a better support system and you would be a start of that. You sound like a good friend. Good luck
    kewi86

    Answer by kewi86 at 9:28 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Coming from a biracial background, where my mom(white) solely raised me, I think my mom raised me 'right' but she did not really bother to try and tell me about my 'ethnic' history. I had to find out bit and pieces from family on my dads side when I would visit. That's not saying that she can't raise a kid correctly, it's just saying that she needs to make sure to acknowledge that side.

    I personally think it is hard for a white single parent to teach a biracial black child about the history of slavery, and about segregation, but for us to know is very important, even though it may look bad initially of the white community, it is also very important to emphasis how far we have come as a nation.

    So in a way it's important, but not a make or break.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 9:30 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • They are ignorant and thats the bottom line. She is the only one that can make the decisions on how to raise her child and if they have something to say then they can kiss her ass JMO
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 9:30 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Wait... what? Black people telling a white woman she can't raise her biracial baby because she's white? Honestly, how is that not racist? Turn it around if white people were telling a black woman she could raise biracial baby correctly because she's black, then that would be taken as racist and there would be an uproar. That's awful. I learned about all heritages and all cultures going through school, if I wanted to know more I'd inquire or go and read a book and learn it for myself.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 9:45 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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