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Need advice on boyfriend. I am pregnant and he is being a jerk! Is he confused or just being an ass?

So, I am 10 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have only been together since July. I got pregnant fast (in October) and it was unplanned. He is a single father of 3. He is 35. Things have been rocky since Friday. Friday I usually go to his place for the weekend. I got home from work and called him and he was being his usual unresponsive self. A few weeks ago, I tried talking to him about being nervous and feeling anxious and I mentioned that I am worried about finances and that I have been feeling a little down. He said NOTHING. So, this past Friday I after work I called him. I wasn't feeling well, and I had to work again early in the morning. I told him that I was going to stay home because I wasn't feeling well and I was feeling depressed. He said "okay". That was it. I feel like he hasn't been emotionally supportive. I always just figured it was a guy thing. But now that I am pregnant, I feel extra emotional and I felt like I had to tell him how I am feeling about that. It was REALLY bothering me. So, I wrote him a long letter on Facebook. I felt that was the best way to get all my feelings and thoughts out without losing train of thought or sounding like I was attacking him. It was a very heart-filled letter, and I poured my heart out in the letter. I just said that I think that he needs to be more emotionally supportive and that I will not stay in a relationship where I feel that I am the only one putting effort in. Also, I have talked to him before about his drinking... I don't think he has an alcohol problem, but when I go to his place, he is always drinking a beer, or a few. I said that I feel that now that I am pregnant, we should try and find things to do together that we can both enjoy. Like, going to the see a movie, out to dinner, ect.. I told him that my 1st prenatal visit was Wednesday (which is now today) at 9:15am. So, I texted him and told him to check his Facebook messages. (He hardly checks his Facebook page.) He read the letter, and responded with ONE SENTENCE that read, "I'm sorry if I am dealing with it differently than you, but it sounds like you already made your decision, so Idk what else to say." WTF? I responded and said, "You are an insensitive prick. I haven't made any decision, in fact, YOU just did it for me. Thanks for showing me your true colors NOW instead of months from now. Now I know what to do." What he did (or didn't do) is so insensitive and wrong on so many levels. He didn't call me, and I didn't hear from him at all until TODAY when he showed up at my appointment. He stayed but had to leave to go to an interview for a possible new job. He told me he would call me when he was done with his interview. Well, that was at 12:30pm and now it is 10:00pm. Idk what to do but I am NOT calling him because I feel that HE should make the effort.... any advice??

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Asked by Queenie09 at 10:06 PM on Dec. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • such a sad situation. If it were me in the position I would want some one to tell me the truth so here goes.... I have learned that people DO deal with things differently but that as long as there is communication then anyway a person deals with it is fine. It sounds a bit like here is scared but also not really ready to be a dad. Reguardless of the number of children he has already. I say try to talk. If that doesn't work or he won't talk you know what you need to do. He won't change count on that. And really do you want to live the rest of your life with this man the way you have been living the last few days/weeks?

    Answer by Ashley8318 at 10:12 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • i don;t understand why he would say that to you if no discussion of any other decision was even a possiblity. yeah don;t call him. men are jerks. but i think it was good that he showed up at least. give him props for that. maybe he will come around. hang in there mama. and congrats on the baby! do not stress about this because everyting that effects effects the baby. enjoy it!

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:15 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Sorry, but he sounds less than enthused about this. And he sounds scared and overwhelmed too. I am not saying the way he is dealing is right, but this seems to be the person he is. You need to have a calm talk with him about whether or not you are moving forward together or not. Don't accuse him of anything, just tell him how you feel and try to get him to tell you how he feels. If iti turns out he isn't on board, get a lawyer. You will need the child support money. I am sorry, but it is always wise to take precautions with guys we just started seeing, because you don't know how serious they are about you yet. I feel bad that you are going through this, but honestly, if he is going to be a douche, you are better off without him. Your baby doesn't need to have around a guy that isn't excited to have her/him.

    Answer by CarriePM at 10:21 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Good for you. I went through the same thing with my sons father when I was pregnant. My advice to you is separate yourself from him until after the baby comes. Go with with friends, and family people who love you. It'll only get worse has the pregnancy progresses and you dont need that drama. You'll end up being really stressed. Through my whole pregnancy I went through that crap and if I could do it again I would have backed off and enjoyed my pregnancy instead of playing silly games with my ex. If he's the man you think he is then he'll he'll be their for you even after the baby is born, if he's not then you'll be able to tell and it saves you from having to go through the disappointment and heart break.


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 10:29 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Seems he's not happy and is rethinking the relationship.

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 10:31 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • I only had to read slightly into this to hear my own relationship echoing in the words. my boyfriend and I had been together for 5 months before we got pregnant and our relationship was rocky to begin with and now our son has been born and he was never really emotionally supportive through the whole thing. He tried his best but just never gave me wat i needed.but i stayed and tried to make it work the best I could. currently we're seperated and hes never even met his son. He is raising 2 kids on his own. But I would say this. SKIP FACEBOOK. and talk to him FACE TO FACE. and sometimes yes they deal with things different..he may be worrying about the same things you are just showing it diferent. So sit him down and talk..and if in the end he wont be there for you then end it now and try to remain civil for the child involved. Message me if you want to talk some more. I can completely relate!

    Answer by SweetPoison at 10:43 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • i have been in a similar situation except we were married and our daughter was 4 months old. we had this big argument on friday him n my mom had a discussion after i fell asleep and sunday morning he told me he was scared and wasnt ready or responsible enough to be a dad we talked it out all day we agreed we would get through this together we were happy and spent the rest of the time till he left that afternoon together he left that afternoon to go and see on monday or tuesday if he had lost his job turns out he already knew he lost his job on friday n he was really moving into his parents house he wouldnt answer my calls or my texts so one day i did what you did i told him like it was and he twisted it to make it sound like i was the one to blame so i went and i did what i had to do to take care of my child and move on with our lives he showed up once be i went and filed for child support a divorce to bring me my stuff

    Answer by sarahsmom0309 at 10:57 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • he was tempted to stay with me and our daughter but when his mom told him to say goodbye and get in the uhaul truck he did and left so i went and filed for child support and not long after i filed for a divorce. i just decided if he wasnt man enough to step up and stand by me and our child he doesnt deserve us in his life.

    Answer by sarahsmom0309 at 11:01 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Sarahsmom I am SO SORRY to hear that! I am sorry you are going through all of this! :( I can only imagine how hard this is, especially with a new baby. He sounds so immature.... listening to his mommy. Men make me sick. I wish you the best! I think I am just gonna give him a few days and call him up and tell him, "look, whether or not we want to or like it, we have to get together and talk about stuff"..... and I will take it from there. It makes me feel reassured that there are so many other women out there going through similar situations. I wish NONE of us had to go through it, but men suck. Thanks to everyone who took the time to answer my question. :)

    Comment by Queenie09 (original poster) at 11:06 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

  • Stand on your feet honey , you do not "NEED" him now, and you will not need him later.

    Why is he devorice ? (sorry, no spell check) Does he have his kids ? Why not ?

    Listen with your mind honey !!!!

    Your heart, will always, get you into trouble.

    Need a FRIEND ? MAIL ME ♥♥♥♥♥

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:49 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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