We just found out my husband's grandma has dementia. She was previously diagnosed with Parkinson's. She is currently in a rehab care center that is mistreating her considerably. They have performed procedures that did not need to take place, they put her on a certain medication that inhibits her ability to get out of bed so she can't go to the bathroom. When my father in-law was at the rehab center visiting her, he called for a nurse several times to help grandma use the restroom and no one came so she ended up staying in her own filth for a whole day. My DH family is deliberating amongst themselves as to whether or not to take her into their home or just let her be transferred to Hospice. I told DH that if it were my mom she would be staying with us no matter what, he agreed. I also said that if his family believes she is being mistreated that should be enough of a decision making factor in itself. We found out that before medicare and/or medicaid take over, her funds have to be completely exhausted before they will help.
Basically what I am concerned about is how do I take care of my Husband and his family without seeming intrusive or overbearing? I love my husband with all of my heart and it pains me to know he is going through such a difficult time. When my father passed away two years ago I had my mom and my best friend, but right now I am worried about how he is going to handle this... I realize every person handles grief differently but I fear he won't know how to come to me when he needs me. I have no experience in this...
This might sound like a silly question but I really want to be there for DH and I don't want to smother him... What should I do? (I guess this is a relationship related question..?)
Sounds like your both going through a difficult time hun. I am so sorry this happening to your family. That is the one thing I would like to point out to you. His family is your family. Share when you want. Never mind worry, regrets or being what you think others will think. You are there and that counts. You can never plan on what you will say to your husband or do. Stand beside him and think about the vows you exchanged once and use them. You will be alright just feel what you feel.
Answer by rosetoes at 2:07 AM on Dec. 9, 2010
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