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Anyone a child of an affair?

My parents were married before I was born, three years before to be exact. However, my mother flirted with my father, knowing he was married with three children and the fourth on the way, and pursued the relationship anyway. My dad divorced his first wife and after a year, married my mother. They waited to have me, but there were a lot of hurt feelings from his 4 children and although it wasn't my fault, my half brothers and sister really have a hard time accepting me. They loved playing with me when we were all little and got together, but, no closeness was ever kept and to this day, I feel I have missed out on having awesome relationships with them and their children but cant figure out if it's my misplaced guilt, or if they really do hold a grudge against me. Any help appreciated.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Dec. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You should not feel guilty your father did what he did and your half sibling should not blame you for something like that.
    Have you tried to be close to them, or are you holding back because of the situation?
    nowmommyof2

    Answer by nowmommyof2 at 1:18 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I'm not in that situation but my sister is technically my half sister, the only sister I have, she has 4 other brothers and sisters, same situation, and she has no care to get to know them and she doesn't even really consider them to be like how we are. They are her biological half siblings, I'm her sister. It's different. I never refer to her as my half sister, simply my sister, or baby sister, and she refers to them as her biological half siblings, which I think says a lot about the difference in relationships. It's hard to be close to a sibling when you aren't living every day with them like you are your other siblings. If you want to be closer to them I'd say reach out, they may accept you, may not, but none the less if they all grew up together their bond is simply different.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:21 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • To the first poster, yes, as adults throughout the years we have sent e-mails and Christmas cards on a not so regular basis. I do get that bonds in families can be different, but I've also been around enough families to see that even cousins have close bonds and they never lived together in the same household. So I'm trying to acknowledge the reality of the situation, that obviously it wasn't my fault, however, why do I feel incredibly bad when I think of the situation and how do I move on and feel free?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:26 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Maybe you need to talk to them and tell them how you feel. You should feel free, your dad did not marry your mom because she was preganat with you. No guit! :-)

    nowmommyof2

    Answer by nowmommyof2 at 1:30 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Thank you! That helps. I think I've been going through most of my adult life thinking that if my own blood brothers and sisters didn't want to stay in my life, why should any friends or husbands for that matter, and I sell myself short. Your statement helped alot!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:37 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • It's not your fault. Even if your dad and their mom were married while you were born, it still wouldn't be your fault. Jut remember that, it's really your dads fault, to be completely realistic.

    And-they probably do hold some child hood resentment that maybe they aren't even aware of, or maybe they did hold child hood resentment and then just never bothered to try and kindle a relationship with you, maybe they don't want to be reminded of your mother, there could be a ton of things. Those are the only reasons I could see them not being so close to you, or even trying to be close.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:38 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • QUOTE:
    It's not your fault. Even if your dad and their mom were married while you were born, it still wouldn't be your fault. Jut remember that, it's really your dads fault, to be completely realistic.

    Thats very true!
    nowmommyof2

    Answer by nowmommyof2 at 1:44 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • blowing kissesYa know there are so many things we all own and it is not our fault. It may be something you will ask them some day? You are who you are. Love is a funny thing somtimes. Parents never seem to get a pass for being human. I do not remember ever just being myself. You can just be yourself on this one.

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 1:54 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

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