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SONS DAD WANT BACK!!!! WHAT TO DO????

Well it has been 8 years since my kids dad has been in their lives. His sister text me and asked me if she could give him my number. I text her back and said no. I asked way did he want it. She said she didn't know. Cause she is not talking to him because he will not take care of the boys. So I told her I will take his number and call him. I did and he told me that the lady from the CS office called him and he is going to have to go to court. I said ok and he told me he will tell me what they said in court. A few weeks later he texts me and said he made a mistake on the paperwork and he will fix when he gets home off the road. Then he says by the way how are the boys and when I get my own place can they come to say with himfor the weekend. I called him but there was no answer and I left a message.

It has been 8 years the last time he saw them they were 2 years old and 1 month old. Are you kidding me everytime your sister gets them and brings them around your family you don't come if you find out they are there. I think he is being really selfish and not thinking of them. He said thing are finally going his way and he can be there for them. That is such BS and thing have not been easy for me. I had them when I was 17 and 19. He was 19 and 21 so what are you talking about. I am going to tell him no you can't just jump in and out of their life. I don't trust him because of the fact that I know his was on drugs and abusive to the mother of his daughter. He is a stranger and eight years is to long to just think you can just jump back in. Am I doing the right thing or being selfish? This is what his other sister told me. Not the one that get them and stuff. Thanks!!!!

 
LADYA1983

Asked by LADYA1983 at 2:03 AM on Dec. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,305 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • if he truly wants to be in their lives then he needs to work slowly into their lives by coming around for a few minutes, then an hour, then a few hours until the kids are comfortable, you need to be honest with the kiddos and let them know that this man is their father and even though he has a past of drug abuse, you have to give him a shot at proving that he can be a father. Take it ver very very slowly with the kids and let him try, if he fucks up, dont give him anymore chances and ask for him to sign over his rights! These are you babies and you know whats best for them, You are being a great mother by being concerned. But you have to do whats best for you and your family. If you honestly feel that he is blowing smoke up your ass, fuck it!! Tell him to fuck off and live your life with you kids! Sorry so long babe but its just my personall opinion.
    AingealsBabies

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 7:48 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • You are doing the right thing by keeping that mother fucker out don't let him near YOUR boys you do and they will have so many problems down the road he lost all rights and claims to them when he left he is just trying to see them so he can try to turn them against you keep that bastard far from your babies
    lonemom1987

    Answer by lonemom1987 at 2:33 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Yes it's the right thing follow your gut. I made the a similar mistake with my 11yr old. I wish now I wouldn't of because the pain it caused and still causing my son.
    aitson

    Answer by aitson at 2:46 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Maybe he is growing up and seeing he has been wrong? He wants to have a relationship now and you should not stop that. The boys have the right to see their father.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 10:09 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • The children are the ones hurt in this mess. It is horrible.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:16 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If he is trying to make the proper changes, then he does have a right to prove it. Children need their fathers. I wouldn't trust him, but maybe some supervised visitation with a social worker watching would do the job. What do the children think of this? Do they even want to know their biological father? If they want nothing to do with him, then that wish should be honored. They should have a say in this situation. Even so, if they do want to see him, an introduction should take place extremely slowly and cautiously. If he is changing for the better, then he could be a benefit to them, if not he will prove that out and you can eliminate him from their lives permanently. I just don't know that a court battle will do anything but scar the children, so I would try to resolve this without the benefit of the legal system because they only tend to complicate things more.
    Treefrog64

    Answer by Treefrog64 at 10:37 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I did talk to the boys and they said that he is a stranger. i do tell them about him nothing bad. He does see them when they are around his family but doesn't say anything to them. An I talked to him and he said he knows that he fucked up. I told him what they said and he said ok well i just want this to be over and CS to take the money out of my check. this is how it has been the whole time. He tell everyone I am a bad mom and I will not let him see them. But if that were true I wouldn't let them be around his family. He just has never put the effort in to be with them in anyway. So now that they 10 and 8 they are telling me no they don't what to see him cause when he has been around he ignored them.
    LADYA1983

    Comment by LADYA1983 (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

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