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Is this selfish or am I right about this?

I like chatting online. My DH doesn't really want me to. But I'm an adult and I can do what I want. To avoid conflict I don't do it when he's around, but I do get up early for some me time and chat in the AM before everyone awakes.

So whether he approves of it or not, don't care. Its harmless fun, even if he doesn't seem to think so, nothing bad will ever come from typing to total strangers on a screen. No meeting are ever planned, its just talking and I never reveal anything personal about myself (nothing real anyways).

Its a hobby I like to do in an otherwise uneventful life and I don't like feeling controlled.

I'm stubborn. Idon't feel the need to prove myself. I should be able to do what I want without any feedback from him. If I was planning to meet guys, then ya. But what I do is just chit chat and talk about whatever and yes its usually with men, but some females too. 

His issue is that he doesn't wanna feel like I have some secret life away from him.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Dec. 9, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I don't chat, but spend time on the internet that my husband does NOT understand, nor approve of. I usually wait to go online until after my "work" is done for the evening or while he is not home and my son is napping. I think if you are still doing everything you did before and aren't putting yourself in danger, you are not being selfish. But, for a healthy relationship, you two should come up with a mutually acceptable "plan" for chatting. If his stance is "no way" and yours is "I'll do what I want." that will never happen and you'd both need to rethink your positions a bit.

    Answer by JZ10FPM at 8:45 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • A good test is always to ask yourself if you would be willing for him to do the exact same thing as you are doing. If you are okay with him chatting with strangers about whom you know nothing and doing what he wants and if you would be okay with him doing it only when you weren't around and without your approval, then I think it's fine for you to do. If his doing any of that would make you just a wee bit uncomfortable, then you may want to reconsider your position.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:00 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If you value your relationship, you should limit your chatting to women.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:02 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • You sound like a strong willed person and I am willing to bet that you pretty much do what you like, so in this case I would tell you that instead of considering this a control issue, I would look at it as honoring his wishes. He wishes for you not to talk to strangers online. He has valid concerns. I certainly would value my relationship with my husband over online relationships with strangers, so yes, I think you are being selfish.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:11 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If it would make you uneasy if your DH did the same, then you should stop. But if you feel like this chatting is worth putting an extra strain on your marriage, then go right ahead and keep chatting.

    Answer by EttaMay at 8:11 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • have you asked him what his concerns are...i can see is POV if you are chatting with men on some sites. but maybe if you show him you are chatting on mommy sites then he wouldnt be so bothered

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:57 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • as long as what you do on-line does not go off-line , you'll be fine. You sound young, as you get older that will be so not on your page. GL.

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 8:01 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If it's not on here why do you feel the need to do this? Are you lacking something in your real life that you aren't getting. I would really try and curb that if it's on something other then this site that is supposed to be all women but as we all know men get in here once in a while. Why rock the boat?Just curious.

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 8:11 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If these chats are at all sexual in nature then I think that he has a right to be concerned.

    Answer by vicki77433 at 8:53 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • how would one possibly know (without a cam) what gender someone online is? Anyone can claim to be male/female.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:04 AM on Dec. 9, 2010