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How can i give my sixteen year old daughter limits and boundries without looking like the bad guy?

My sixteen year old daughter recently came to live with me.She had been living with her dad in another state for a couple years and he was having a hard time with her so now she lives with me.For the most part myself and my daughter are fine but there are times when i ask her something and she answers back like if i'mbothering her and it drives me insane.she always wants to be on her phone or the computer and when i say times up it's like the world is about to end.She has a bad attitude sometimes and say's absolutly nothing to my boyfriend of 4 years it's causing tension.heeeeeeeelllllllllppppp.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Dec. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • I read a really good book called "Get out of my life but take me and Cheryl to the mall first." It helps to understand how she might be feeling. I have never really used these kind of books, although this one was great at explaining the struggles that teens and their parents go through. Also, I would consider giving her a little break because her life has changes so much. I would try talking with her, don't yell and listen to what she has to say. Although she is your child she has her own ideas and thoughts. I understand it is not easy.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:20 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • She doesn't like boundaries, so, of course, when you try to set and enforce them, she's going to get mad. Being the bad guy is part of parenting teens. There's a book entitled BOUNDARIES that might be helpful for you to read. It's by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. They also have written one entitled BOUNDARIES FOR CHILDREN. You will have to accept the fact that she's not going to like having limits set on her phone and computer time, but you need to set those and then make sure they are enforced. You will not be doing her any favors if you allow her to be in charge of setting her own limits and you won't be doing yourself any favors if you allow her to cause tension in your own home. This IS your home and she is to submit to your authority. So buck up and get ready for the fight that is sure to follow your setting and enforcing those needed boundaries.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:22 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Setting limits and boundaries is not being a bad guy it is being a parent.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:31 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Thanks ladies.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:33 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I don't have teen children YET but I remember as a teen my parents always seemed like the bad guys no matter what! Now that i'm an adult I see they never really were the bad guys, but the good guys who were just trying to protect me and wanted the best for me! Your daughter will get to that point as well I assure you. Try not to worry too much about looking like the "cool" mom.. those moms are usually the ones who get walked on!
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:35 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • careful, 16 is legal in some places, so you can only pull it off as long as she's unaware of this legality.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:37 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I really liked the book "How to talk so your children will listen and listen so your children will talk". It talks a lot about mutual respect, but you maintain your role as a parent. For example, you can say "I know you really want to be talking to/texting with your friends all night. Even though they are more fun than me and (boyfriend), we'd love to spend some time with you, too. How can we make that happen?" Then sit down and make a list of ALL ideas from the both of you and then go through and come up with the best solution(s) to the problem.
    JZ10FPM

    Answer by JZ10FPM at 8:40 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Sometimes you have to look like the bad guy. I only have a 1& 2year old and I hate getting mad at them I just want to hug and kiss them right after but they'll never learn if I "don't set boundaries. " Good luck mamma
    Heidikans

    Answer by Heidikans at 8:48 AM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • You are the parent of a teen. You are supposed to be thought of as the bad guy.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:33 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • OH GURL YOU NEED TO PUT A STOP TO THAT IT DON'T MATTER IF YOU LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY SHE NEEDS SOME ACT RIGHT TAKE THOSE THINGS THAT SHE LOVES USING AND LET HER KNOW WHO IS BOSS
    PASEKA

    Answer by PASEKA at 5:52 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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