I know this should probably be categorized in the Adoption section, but the thing is, it's a debate between my husband and I, and I'd like some input.
I STRONGLY want to adopt a baby. I always have, and now that I'm a mother, I've only wanted to do it more. It's something that's very close to my heart, and matters a lot to me.
My husband does not.
His argument is that you're basically setting yourself up for failure as the child grows older and eventually finds out they're adopted. He says that can be a horrible thing to discover and can lead to many problems, and why would I want to go through that?
My argument is that they're going to be adopted anyways (hopefully, and considering they don't live their life in foster care), and that as a loving parent, I would do my best to make this discovery as painless as possible. I guess I'm not thinking as selfishly as he is (no offense to my wonderful husband, lol).
I'm trying to explain to him that I've known many people who have been adopted and are very well-adjusted and are happy in their lives. He says that often not the case. He also says that my feelings about them not getting adopted are unfounded, because all healthy ones will get adopted, and that the ones that aren't have a lot of problems, mental and physical. (That part really irks me, that he'd say that) I'm not concerned about getting an absolutely perfect child. We could easily give birth to a baby and encounter problems as well, but that doesn't mean I've love him/her any less!
Are any of you adopted, and if so, how do you feel about it? Those that aren't adopted, how do you view the issue?
This has been a little upsetting to me, as I feel like one of my dreams has been crushed. We had previously discussed it and he didn't oppose it as he does now. I guess I'm just wondering if I can sway him, and if so, how? Or do I just let the dream go and give birth to all of the children I hope to have?
Answer by moniquinha at 12:40 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by missanc at 12:05 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by mrskrisher at 12:06 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by JesF419 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:05 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by MaryMW at 3:06 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
Answer by Winter1derland at 9:04 AM on Dec. 10, 2010
Answer by bseastrand at 12:06 PM on Dec. 9, 2010
You really need his approval to adopt, so I would say give up the dream for now and work on your family. It is very noble of you to want to do this and it shows you have a great big heart. I know how you feel, I have wanted to do this for a long time too, but hubby just does not see it my way. Instead why don't you help orphanages and get involved with becoming a big sister or anything like this, this is what I have done many many times.
Answer by older at 12:07 PM on Dec. 9, 2010