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4 Bumps

Am I a Fool ?

My husband of 22 years this coming March met a woman who he says they never did anything other than kiss, and was planning on leaving me for her. He was paying her rent her child support and buying her medications. She kept begging him to stay with her and he would always leave and come home to me instead. He told me that he wanted to be with her and I told him she was just using him for his money. He was safe he was paying her bills and she didn't have to put out for it.He thought I was wrong so I told him to offer to stay the night with her and see what happens so he did. She turned him down and hasn't called or returned any of his texts since. I stuck by him and supported him even through all the hell my Grandson and I were going through in the 25 days it took him to decide he wanted to stay with us. It has been over three months ago and I still feel very BETRAYED and wonder now if by standing by him it made him think he could get away with it again. He went on a hunting trip out of state with his Dad and Brother when he came back he lied to me about a girl who is suppose to be just a friend. Told me that he hadn't seen her, talked to her , or even texted her since he had came back yet that night he was with her at a bar and there were sixteen texts between the two of them and he was calling her Babe and Baby and telling her she was going with him next year. He claims they are just friends and he didn't tell me about them being together that night because of how I would react if I knew. I don't know what to do!!!!! I don't believe him and I don't trust him but I do still love him HELP!!!!!!!!!

Answer Question
 
jlcarlson63

Asked by jlcarlson63 at 4:15 PM on Dec. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • GET OUT! he's obviously unhappy about something and on a hunt to find it. Sounds like he is not worthy of you're trust either. Find a good therapist and a good lawyer, you're going to need both!
    courtneym112

    Answer by courtneym112 at 4:21 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • im sorry but i have to be blunt about this...i understand 22 years is a long time with a man thats how old i am. but no matter what how can you let a man just betray you and degrade you and then once HE decides to come back its ok? You dont need that a**hole! Kick his butt out, go get your hair done, get some new clothes, and go have a good time and meet a younger man who makes you feel 22 again. ;) the world is full of posibilities honey and he isnt offering you any good ones anymore.
    brooklynohlordy

    Answer by brooklynohlordy at 4:23 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I think he feels secure cause he realizes you won't kick him out and so he does it again and again. Kick him of tell him to straighten his way then he can come back home. If he hasn't learned anything and goes to his old way kick him out for good. My mom had to do that with my dad for three months. My mom and I lived at my grandma til my dad figured out if he wanted to be with my mom or not. Whatever your decision I wish you good luck.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 4:27 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • Stay with him if you don't mind not being loved in return. He doesn't love you. He's selfish. He doesn't want to be with you anymore; not really anyway...he's there for convenience and for stability. Save some money if you need to before leaving - otherwise, leave NOW.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 4:29 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • So...it's not just my husband that has gotten dumber with age. My husband did the same thing...after almost 20 years of marriage out of the blue he decides to have an affair/relationship with a women that it's even good enough to be my toe jam. Listen because I was weak....an idiot...hopeful...I didn't leave last year when it happened but I should have and I'm paying for it now because I am miserable. You will never, ever be able to forget therefore you cannot forgive and that means your done...done...DONE!!! It's obvious he doesn't want to be with you and you were his second choice...HIS WIFE IS HIS SECOND CHOICE...after that first whore he was with would spread her legs for him, so he comes back to the steadfast wife that he knows will put up with all his bullshit. Honey...you are so much better than this and deserve so much more respect and honor. Don't turn into me...at this point I'm acidic!!!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:41 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you have to be in this situation. I think if you let him get away with it, he feels like he can keep doing it and will keep doing it. I really think he is cheating on you and I think you deserve better and need to leave. Go see a counsler actually that's where I'm headed for the first time in 20 minutes to try to figure out my relationship on my own. GL I had one hell of a day too and I totally feel for you. Do what you know is the right thing.
    ktinaza

    Answer by ktinaza at 4:42 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • If he knows your going to keep on letting him come back and say sorry, he is going to keep on walking all over you.
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 4:43 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • He is certainly not respecting boundaries. Ask him what these other women are giving him that he's not getting at home and then give him what he needs to stay home. Usually men stray bc of how other women make him feel (not sex). Maybe he feels they need him (and his money) and that makes him feel good. Maybe he thinks you don't need him. Just talk with him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:47 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • You are not a fool but he will never change. Only stay with him if you want to keep doing this for the rest of your life.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 5:38 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I do think you're a fool for not thinking they ever had sex, if he is paying her bills then they are getting iton. Sorry.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 5:57 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

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