Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my daughter seems to be real attached to me....

she only wants me.... if i try to give her to her dad she crys... if i try to lay her down she crys... put her in a toy she crys.... i have to hold her so she will stop..... i feel really bad when i let her cry.... and sometimes it gets really frustrating because i have other things to do, and she is a twin so i cant just be holding her all the time.... any advice???? what can i do???? :(

Answer Question
 
melissa089

Asked by melissa089 at 11:49 PM on Nov. 6, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • my baby does the exact same thing the only break i get is when she goes to bed for the night. I have the same problem i would like to know what i can do as well
    HoneyDip_20

    Answer by HoneyDip_20 at 11:53 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • You're allowing and okaying her crying by giving in to her. I know it's hard to not hold them when they are so little and crying, you just have to remember that you're not doing any good for yourself or for you little one. Sometimes putting her in a toy or laying her on the floor and allowing her to cry it out is the best situation. She may even cry herself to sleep. Babies form attachments to their parents some stronger then others but the longer this goes on the older she gets and the harder this will be to break.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 11:58 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • According to your profile she is 4 months? This is really normal at this age. She is starting to realize that sometimes you leave, even if it's only to go to the bathroom, she's starting to notice it. Go to her as often as you can, be with her as often as you can, and she'll learn that you will always come back when you leave. I'm sure someone will say that you are spoiling her and you should let her cry it out so that she gets used to it, but IMO that only teaches her that you WON'T come back, which is counterproductive.

    Try a sling or moby wrap if she'll tolerate them (my DS is 4 1/2 months and has always hated them) or if you have to work in the kitchen or something, bring her along in a bouncy chair, excersaucer, or whatever she's comfortable in. Soon enough she's going to be past the clingy age and you'll be wishing you could cuddle her again!
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 11:59 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • My daughter is 8 months old and she is doing the same thing!!!! I can't do anything without her at my knees screaming because I'm not devoting all my attention to her! I have to wait till she's asleep to wash the dishes, I can't even take a shower without her there crying because I'm not in her sight. She won't go to my husband and it has honestly been so frustrating! It's sweet, but at the same time it gets so frustrating!
    MommyTuiaki

    Answer by MommyTuiaki at 11:59 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I was typing at the same time as bubblycute, just in case it looks like I was attacking her. I try not to judge parenting styles or tell anyone they are raising their kids wrong, I just really disagree with that method. When you think about the developmental milestone that she's hitting with the new seperation anxiety, it just doesn't make sense to let them cry.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:00 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • but Samantha, what she says is true. Of course non of us are going to abandon our children for anything! But there is merit to allowing our older infants to self-soothe. It teaches autonomy and can actually calm them in time. This was my method with DD and she is a very happy, well-adjusted 8 y/o. She is also independent and while she knows I am always there for her, she is able to make decisions for herself and strike outwith her own choices without clinging to me.
    If you don't believe me, there are TONS of scientific facts supporting the self-soothe approach.
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 2:42 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • MammaMia, in an older baby, I'll agree with you. But the OP has a 4 month old, and I don't think that's appropriate at that age. Once you get up to 6-8 months, maybe. But not at 4 months.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 8:32 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • my daughter is almost 8mths and is attached to me like no other but i am able to put her down and she may follow me crying sometimes but i have to just learn to ignore her if i want to get any thing done...goodluck!
    anabelsmommy08

    Answer by anabelsmommy08 at 8:46 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN