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In laws: what are the rules?

I think it is DH's responsibility to stand up for me when they are crappy to me. What do you think?

How about if the inlaws do something to contradict our parenting or put our child in danger- like giving her food she isn't supposed to have or smoking near her? They are his parents and siblings-- he should be the one to correct it. Right?

I thought I was responsible for policing my family and he was responsible for policing his family. Is that how most families do it?

Answer Question
 
ecodani

Asked by ecodani at 11:24 PM on Dec. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,526 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • well sweetie some men have trouble doing that. I have never had to go through that with my thank God. I do agree with you though that he polices his family and you do yours.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 11:26 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • I talk to my family and he talks to his...but we are always a united front. If he talks to my family they think he is pressuring or controlling me..so it's better if I talk to my parents, but he is always in the room right next to me. We never show our weaknesses around our extended family because they jump on them.
    tobys.mommy

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 11:28 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • It's DH's responsibility only if he wants me to be willing to be around them! For a long time I tried to make it a policy not to make him feel pressure for his family being unnaccepting of me. I didn't want him to make me feel like he was stuck in between. But I started to realize that as long as I wasn't acceptable to him, I wouldn't be acceptable to his family. So next time we're around them, I'm going to ask him to show them that he values me. We'll see how it goes! Because if he doesn't, I don't want to be around them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Dec. 9, 2010

  • You are both adults and have the ability to stand up for yourselves, your parenting, and your beliefs. You wouldn't wait for DH to stand up to a stranger for you, no you'd stand up to that stranger for yourself. For the simple fact that you are an adult and can handle your own business. Now, as far as your children go you BOTH should be standing up for them, as they are either unable to do so themselves or wouldn't be taken seriously if they did. It doesn't matter if it's your family, his family, or the neighbor's family you both should be standing up for your children and your parenting. You have just as much voice, if not more then he does, and you should be able to use that voice to stand for what you believe in.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:05 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Yes, he should take care of talking to his side of the family!
    MyGiftsFromGod

    Answer by MyGiftsFromGod at 1:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • He should do the talking otherwise they will get offended with you. He has to say something because it involves your child's health and welfare. But do not nitpick either over everything they say or hubby will get angry with you instead of them. Pick your battles wisely when it involves your inlaws.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 6:55 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Exactly how you worded it is how I thought it worked out. However my husband doesn't stand up for me and he allows his mom to treat me like the girlfriend instead of the wife. I have mother-in-law problems and believe there wouldn't be a issue if my husband treated me like the wife in front of his mom . Instead I feel my word doesn't count for anything and I feel left out. And yes I married a momma's boy.
    MommabearGrr

    Answer by MommabearGrr at 10:21 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

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