Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm having a baby boy in Feb. and....

this is my first child. My bf and I have been together for over 2 and 1/2 years. He has 2 boys already. They are 6 and 8 and have his last name. I am strongly leaning towards giving my son my last name. Mainly because we aren't planning to get married anytime soon. And I will be the one taking him to school and doctors appts etc... Places where our names will be asked and used frequently. My parents were always married so I never had to deal with this before. I will however change both of our last names if me and my bf get married. Also I am not worried about us breaking up or him leaving me. It is not that type of concern at all. I would like some outside opinions on this.

Answer Question

Asked by Kelli1012 at 12:07 AM on Dec. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I also don't want to use a hyphenated last name.

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 12:08 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Well if there was no fear in hiim leaving then give the child his name. My Hubby has only been to two school meetings and none of her doctor's appointments. But he also has no other children, so I can not metnion what that would make me feel like either.

    Answer by tryin2BGOOD at 12:10 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I would deff give the baby your last name.

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 12:11 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I was divorced & have kids. Now I am remarried I have a different last name then they do, still no issue. I dont know why you think its "difficult" or whatever to have a different last name then your child. Its just not a problem for me. If I have to call the school I say "This is Mrs. J. I am Maddy M's mother". Never had a problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • My son has his father's last name. For me it was more about him knowing where he came from. I never have any problems going to appointments. Or handling any business on his behalf. What does your bf think?

    Answer by rebock at 12:17 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I personally would hyphenate it because why is it fair for the baby to have your last name but not his. I mean his...that's tradition and how most legal names are but to only give him your name seems a little selfish.

    To me it seems like you are embarassed that you are having a baby out of wedlock and embarrassed that he'll have a different last name. YOU chose this by having sex. If getting married is a big deal then talk to your SO.

    What does you SO think about this?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • There aren't going to be any issues with doctors or schools. 50% of all marriages end in divorce and most of those people remarry. I bet at this point it's strange for schools and doctors to see children with the same last name as their mother because so many are remarried.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • It's not about being embarrassed. To me it comes down to my feelings about having a different name than my son. I don't think I'm being selfish because if we do get married I will change both our last names to his. The fact that my bf has children already with his last name did sway my decision a little. Because his last name will be carried on with his two boys. I have talked to him about it and he isn't thrilled about my decision. I think if it's between our last names, he should have mine considering I am the one squeezing him out of my body. As for "tradition", I think that whole idea went out the window when I got pregnant out of

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 12:31 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • It will cost you money to change the child's last name later. If you know you are going to do it anyhow, why are you wanting to make it more difficult?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I know I am going to do it IF we get married. I am not positive marriage will happen. It seems weird to me, that in this day in age, so many women would be opposed to this idea. Considering this website is mainly aimed at married women with children I can understand the traditional views.

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 12:59 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.