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my son is starting to ask about his father but..

i dont know what to tell him. my son is almost 2yrs old and his father hasnt really been there at all. ima young teen mom and all the contact i get from him is a card for our bday and the holidays with like $20 in it. he showed up to his sons 1st bday party and stayed for 30min and left. i never had a good relationship with my son Trey father so when i got pregnant i knew he'd run. i jus cant tell my son his dad doesnt want him and only seen him atleast 5times since he was born.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Dec. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • You need to be honest. Don't attack, don't blame ... but state the facts, briefly and kindly ... and above all, honestly. Simply accept it as the way it is ... and move on. If you're healthy about how you handle this, your son will be as well.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 9:05 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • "don't wanna see him get hurt" ... that sounds like something you should have thought of before. Unfortunately, when people make irresponsible decisions it often IS the children who get hurt.

    Honesty is the only answer. If he asks where he is and you don't know, then you say "I don't know". If he asks when he's coming and he's not, you tell him "he's not coming".

    Yes, disappointment and hurt. But how did you ever think it would be any different? You chose to get pregnant with a person that you say you never had a good relationship with. You created this situation and now you want it to be something it's not. Life doesn't work that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Actually, you did choose to get pregnant with this guy. Pregnancy isn't a big mystery, we know how it happens. Anon might have said something you didn't like hearing, but she's not wrong. So now it's time to pay the price ... well, now and forever after, because that's how long your child will pay the price. Do what the PP said, be honest and accepting and calm and matter of fact. It is what it is.
    ihatetocook

    Answer by ihatetocook at 9:48 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • You need to be honest. It's a crappy situation, but you've got to deal with it - and you can't deal with it by lying (well, you can but you'll only screw up your kid if you spend your life lying to him).
    You had sex, you got pregnant, and now you've got a kid with no father. Yeah, it sucks. And yeah, it'll hurt your kid. But you need to be honest with him. Lying will hurt, not help.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 9:52 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Your child does not doubt that he should even be called his daddy. Those are your feelings. Your child might be disappointed but this is because you have been telling him that he has a daddy, and he does not. If he had a daddy, he would see his daddy and they would spend time together. He is disappointed because you have told him that he has something, so he has learned to want it and expect it. He is disappointed because of what you have taught him.
    errantmommy

    Answer by errantmommy at 9:57 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Well, yes, things happen for a reason. This child was born because teenagers decided to have sex. That is the reason. And his father doesn't want to see him because his father was not ready to be a father. That is the reason.
    So your son wants Daddy - and doesn't have Daddy. That's what you deal with. You don't lie, you grow up and be honest with him. Yes, it will hurt. It will probably hurt for his entire life. But he didn't choose this, you did. So own it.

    findingharmony

    Answer by findingharmony at 10:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • How is what teaching him? What is it you want to teach him? You're the one who had photos of "dad" out ... a "dad" that you say you didn't get along with but still slept with, a "dad" that only showed up a couple of times, a "dad" that you say doesn't want to see the kid. What do you think YOU taught him, by having pictures of a "dad" around? What is honesty teaching him? Honesty would teach him that his mother can be trusted to always tell him the truth, that his mother will not lie to him, that his mother will be there to care for him in healthy ways. Honesty would teach him not to expect what he's not going to get, so it would teach him not to be disappointed when "dad" doesn't show up and when "dad" doesn't call. Honesty will teach him TO BE HONEST.
    snivic

    Answer by snivic at 10:10 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • you are setting him up for disappointment by keeping his picture. Don't even bring the guy up..don't mention the name "daddy." Don't allow him to pop in and out of your child's life right now..its not right. When your son gets older and can understand family situations then you can tell him about dearest daddy. But he will only be heartbroken at age 2 when he finds out daddy cant come to the park or his birthday. Just forget about him. And if he does call..tell him to go to hell unless he is ready to be a full time dad
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:14 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • My father wasn't there after I was 2. My mom was always honest with me and that helped me personally. What kind of questions is your son asking about his dad? If he's asking who he is, tell him. No matter what, you need to be honest but dont make dad seem like an a-hole. My biological father proved that himself.
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 9:03 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • been down that road myself.....my son is six now.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:15 AM on Dec. 10, 2010

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