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4 Bumps

I have had it with my toddler

My oldest is a young 2. Lately I have had it. I know toddler times are tough but he does things over and over just to get attention, and inside I am so pissed I am boiling. For instance every meal or snack he throws food, silverware, cup, you name it. For over 3 months it was time out. Obviously isn't working since he continues with his many behaviors. Today I took families suggestion and pulled his pants down and paddled him for throwing his food, then sat him in TO. I just don't get him, he does the same behaviors everyday (including pushing his brother, hitting, kicking, taking toys ... all normal yes ... but also screams and throws himself around the second he doesn't get what he wants). I tried ignoring negative behaviors for a lengthly period. Tried TO for a period. Are these phases just going to last another year or so? I am considering daycare part time so he can see this isn't acceptable behavior. In the last week I find myself yelling half way through the day out of frustration. Which I know adds to the problem. He is exhausting and draining. I truely don't have anyone around to even babysit him for a morning so he and I can get a break from one another. His dad is away for work, we will be moving in 3 weeks to be with him. But his dad has been gone for chunks of time since May. I know that does affect him as well. I am just at a loss on how to properly discipline him when all I have tried has not been affective. Suggestions please?

 
2BlondeBabies

Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 1:49 PM on Dec. 10, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (17)
  • Okay I am firstly horrified by the many suggestions to spank, or (I am cringing just saying it) "whip" a child. Not sure where you folks are, but where I live hitting children is illegal. Hitting children teaches them to hit and bully others. Your child is two. TWO. I have a very spirited child myself, so I fully understand your frustration. However, your child is a baby. As upsetting as it is he is acting perfectly normal for his age.

    I work in the field of child development. For all reading this, it is important to understand that children do not have a fully functioning frontal lobe until they are 25!!!! That is the part of your brain that helps you problem solve, think logically, reason. At two a child primarily functions with the primal parts of his brain that really only recognizes basic wants and needs. Children at this age can not see your point of view. They are naturally and normally egocentric.
    jennyd76

    Answer by jennyd76 at 2:45 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I spanked for that kind of behavior, and it worked. But you will have to be very consistent, and you really should do it before you become angry. If you have as your goal instant obedience, and you decide you will only tell him one time what you want from him, you will have much better success. It is not a phase that children just grow out of it. They have to be taught to respect authority, and that has to begin with the parents. Then you can transfer it to others, but if he doesn't learn to respect at home, he's not going to do very well other places either. A 2-year old understands much more than most people give him credit for understanding. So be firm and follow through. You will get the results you need and want.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:53 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I talk first, raise my voice while warning that I'm going to get the belt second, I get the belt third but rarely actually have to whip usually just hold it in my hand now, and will separate by putting one in a room by themselves with the door closed for at most one minute as a last resort. I do that for things like fighting but for throughing food or fighting over toys I would warn that if he doesn't stop I'm going to take it away and then take it away. They don't like being whipped, separated, or having things taken away. But after I always make sure to make up and tell them why they were whipped or punished. My oldest is 4 and second is turning 2 this month and we still have this problem but they do listen a bit better now so I talk to them, warn, and explain even more now.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 2:31 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I hold my toddler like a hug and hold his arms. It gets the message accross and do not let go until you have explained that he should calm down first. Give him choices which are not choices. Like 'You can eat or go to bed?" Yes, be consistant.
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 2:37 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • A 2 yr old is NOT a baby - he is a toddler and children need to be trained. If you do not train your child - then don't be surprised when they act like crazy out of control brats.
    Parents are instructed to train their children. Yes HITTING a child IS wrong - but actually NOT illegal. Leaving marks or welts is illegal. Disciplining children (e.g. spanking, whipping, etc) is NOT hitting!!
    Even adults in the "real world" don't ALWAYS get positive praise on every stinking little thing they do - they get negative criticism also. While they don't get spanked or whipped (although MANY SHOULD!) they get other just as bad disciplinary actions: jail, fines, community service, etc.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:57 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • NannyB, his brother is 1. This behavior at the table, with throwing food, or puposely dropping his things, is that normal behavior when the younger is doing it that the older is trying to get my attention? Dad and I always tell him, that his behavior (tell him specifica behavior, Throwing your food is not acceptable, Hitting is not nice and not acceptable, etc) and then would sit him in TO. Most of my relatives and professional friends who work with children tell me he is an intelligent and manipulative child already, high energy, very strong willed (he is a lot like I was as a child). I just hated to resort to paddling. I have read your answers a lot on here and they always make sense. You're a gramma, right? Anyways, any specific advice you can give me would be great!!!
    2BlondeBabies

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • This worked wonders for my stubborn, bull-headed middle dd: 2 choices - obey or disobey. Obey, brings blessings; disobey brings discipline. I discipline with a glue gun stick. It stings but doesn't leave a mark. 1 lash for every year. The trick to proper discipline: DO NOT GIVE more than ONE instruction. "Eat your food nice like a good boy". He throws something - take him down, say "you were wrong to throw your food. You chose to disobey mommy and now have to have discipline." Give him 2 lashes. DO NOT allow him to cry past counting to 5. Then it's time to dry it up. Look him in the eyes: "Are you going to obey Mamma?" If yes, yay! If no, then discipline: 2 more lashes. Then, "are you going to obey Mamma?" If yes, yay! If no, 2 more lashes...until he says he will obey you. DO NOT GIVE IN!! NO MATTER WHAT! No long lecture. He KNOWS it's wrong to do what he did. Make him SAY "I was wrong" and give you a hug. IT WORKS!! No anger!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:45 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I do NOT subscribe to "normal terrible 2's, horrible 3's....It depends on the conditioning through the PARENTS! If you follow this method - I guarantee you it WILL work. Never ever give "another chance" that is where parents get angry. Your child WILL be more loving when discipline given correctly like this because while they test THEIR boundaries, they are really testing YOU. Will YOU do as you say? I also never discipline with my hands. Hands are for holding and loving during the blessing time of obedience. No, your child WILL not become violent if you discipline properly, nor will they resent you. The resentment comes in when discipline is held off until the parent is angry and usually with children much older. THIS IS THE TIME TO TRAIN HIM!! Discipline NOW and most likely you won't have to after 3 or 4 yrs of age because they want to please you.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • A great DVD is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." Good luck. Take some breaths and give yourself a time out when you need it...even if it means setting him in front of a movie for a bit and closing your bedroom door.
    jennyd76

    Answer by jennyd76 at 2:53 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • WOW! where am I ?
    Raindew

    Answer by Raindew at 3:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

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