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abuse question

My sister and I do not speak but I do get to see her 4 year old DD occasionally. I was talking to her DD yesterday and she told me that her mom's boyfriend is mean to her and whips her bottom with a belt. We don't spank in my house but I understand that others do but isn't it considered child abuse if you're flat out whipping a child's backside with a belt?

I ask this question because I am very good friends with my sister's ex (her DD's dad). I was concerned so I told him what his DD had told me. He has primary custody of DD, my sister gets her every other weekend. He wanted to know if he could press charges against my sister's boyfriend for spanking his DD with a belt. Can anyone help me out here.

Okay so let me add some more info:

My sister called my mom yesterday and asked her to babysit her daughter while she was at work becasue her dd did not want to stay at mommy's house when mommy wasn't there. My mom said yes. Me and DS went over to mom's house to visit while my neice was there. My mom asked her if there as a reason why she didn't want to stay at mommy's house without mommy there. My neice said, "I don't like to stay there without mommy because Chris (mom's bf) is mean to me." We asked her, "How is he mean to you?" She said, "He spanks me with his belt when I get in trouble and he screams at me."

A little bit of background on the guy: Back in March him and my sister got into a fight and she was 17 weeks pregnant. He pinned her up against a wall and broke her phone in half when she tried to call the police. He then locked her out of the house and wouldn't let her come back in to get their son who was 18 months at the time or to even put shoes on. It was like 30 degrees outside. After this all went down, she said that he has severe mood swings, and that he gets mad very easily. She said she is always walking on eggshells around him. After their altercation she started bleeding heavily and went to the doctor who told her to take it easy for a few days. The next week her and him get back together and the next day, she goes to the E.R. because she is having contractions. She ended up losing the baby in the 18th week of her pregnancy. Needless to say, no one in my family likes her BF. We all hold him responsible for that.

So when I told her what her dd had told me about her bf spanking her with a belt. She told me that her dd says everyone is mean to her when she doesn't get her way. She also told me that she wouldn't be suprised if I made it all up because I don't like her bf. I told her that mom and our sister had been sitting there when her dd said all of this. She said, "Well you're probably all in on it together, none of you like him."

I don't understand how some mothers can just totally disregard what their child says in favor of their bf. Anyway so that's pretty much the whole story. Sorry it's so long and thank all of you that have offered some advice.

Okay so I guess my question is, Is this abuse? Can my neice's dad press charges against my sister's bf? Any advice you all can give me will be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer Question
 
Kim.Gage

Asked by Kim.Gage at 3:47 PM on Dec. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • That is abuse and you guys can def report it!!!! take pictures to if she has any marks that will help!!!
    2prettylittle1s

    Answer by 2prettylittle1s at 3:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • He needs to call the local police department and see if he can get full custody. That sounds like abuse to me. He also needs to contact DFCS immediately.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 3:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I consider it child abuse. The father should take some kind of action about this. I know laws are different in every state but has to something he can do if the father talks to a lawyer or something.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 3:53 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Yes report it and the father needs full custody and go over and kick that guys ass.
    Iluvmy5

    Answer by Iluvmy5 at 3:54 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I think the father should call Child Protective Services, the police, and his attorney for advice. It is sad that your sister isn't willing to acknowledge the problem but for the child's sake the other adults in her life should take action. I don't spank either, but a swat on the bottom and being hit with a belt are two different things and I don't think it is ok for him to be doing that. If he won't call for some reason then you should.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:56 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • He needs to report it. Normally anyone who is not birth family can not physically discipline a child. A parent could use a belt on a child if it did not leave a mark but a boyfriend can not. A girlfriend can put a child in time out but can not spank. At any time if you are in doubt as to if it is abuse or not then it is best to call and report it. Better safe for the child then not. An adult can get over being reported but I have seen the results of abuse on a child where things were left alone to see if it "really" was abuse. It's not pretty.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 3:56 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I would never call my child a liar when it comes to that. Sounds like she is hiding something to me but thats just my opinion. If i were you i would definatly report it!
    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 3:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I don't understand why women are that way either, but unfortunately, there are women who favor the current man in their life over their children. That means that you need to step in to be the reliable woman in that girl's life. Your sister is clearly in an abusive relationship, and I have much sorrow for her and the children who are growing up as witnesses to it.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 4:04 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Get a restraining order against him (the boyfriend) let your sister make her choice
    MELRN

    Answer by MELRN at 4:05 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • if i was your ex bil i would definitely press charges on that guy. he has no right to put his hands on his daughter period and i would have your sister arrested for neglect as well. and he should go back to court and have supervised visitation put on her. obviously it isn't important to her that her daughter is telling you and your mom what's going on with her.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 4:05 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

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