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recently married, having financial issues w/ the husband..hes a little off when it comes to money...how to deal? could really use help w/ this one..

We've been married 3 months now.. but lived together before & we have a child together... we alsoeach have a child from previous so we have three kids!... we spent his christmas bonus on their christmas.. and christmas didnt put us in the hole ANY. He is a police officer so he is always working overtime and making different amounts on checks.. its never the same.. He's always paid bills and spent money how he's wanted to his whole life(hes 28, im 23) im a stay at home mom... & am starting to notice how much he blows money.. he always is wanting to go out to eat... he's always buying the most random crap for work.. he has more work belts and gun holsters than you can EVEN imagine.. hes always at pawn shops.. i mean its starting to get really annoying.. we JUST got a shared bank account because it took so long to get our marriage license & my SSC.. but i just found this paper from his previous bank account we havent cancelled yet until we get everything settled..

its called skip a loan payment for dec or jan for thsoe who need extra christmas money(ok cool, but this DOES NOT APPLY TO US WE DO NOT NEED ANY MORE CHRISTMAS MONEY OR EXTRA MONEY FOR ANYTHING) but he has it checked that he is going to skip Jans payment of 300 dollars for his car loan.. JSUT BECAUSE.. it costs 30 dollars JUST to skip a payment.. and that payment is just adding another month onto your loan.. so your paying 30 dollars just to pay 300 dollars LATER instead of NOW.. His reason of doing it is to have 300 dollars more the month of January.. WHAT THE HECK FOR? WE DO NOT NEED AN EXTRA 300!!! Im so frustrated.. he said hes always done it so hes doing it and im about to get PISSED and put my foot down. he is making IMMATURE DUMB decisions for our family!.. do i let it go since its small.. or seriously put my foot down?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Dec. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It sounds like you are in a power struggle over money. You have lived together for three years so you must have known his spending habits before
    It would probably be helpful to go to a financial advisor. That way the power issues become neutralized as you have a safe third party
    professional who can ask the right questions, mediate value conflicts.and help you both discuss what's important to you when it comes to money . It sound to me like he may value money for the freedom and independence to buy that he derives from it, where you may value it for security reasons. Both those values can be accommodated in a marriage, as long as you make the decision making a joint project rather than a tug of war between you.

    Good luck
    sylvie-anne

    Answer by sylvie-anne at 5:54 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • put your foot down woman
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:44 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • maybe you could ask to take over the bills and show him that you will be able to save and though he has always been able to spend, maybe you could start SAVING - try to make it sound like for a trip with the family or another honeymoon somewhere eventually.. give him a reasonable allowance - start saving funds for the kids etc.. see if you can talk him in to you taking over the finances..?!~
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:46 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • You really both need to be on the same page when it comes to money. Go to dave ramsey's website and look up some information on him he has great books and will show you but give him a chance to have input on the budget. If you don't fix this now you will either end up in divorce, fight all the time or you will never be able to live in peace because you'll always be stressing about bills. Not to mention what will you do when it's time to retire and you have no money saved. Email me if you need anything....been there done that. You have to decide if your happy living this way if he won't change hopefully leaving isnt' your only option.
    britni11

    Answer by britni11 at 6:32 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • we've lived together over a year now..not 3 years
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:57 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • & ive been getting on him about making a budget.. he wont even sit down and take the time its obnoxious.. so yep, sounds good, i think ill be taking him to a financial advisor(: thanks
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Dear listen just like you there are things he may be use to doing and it is hard to break. If there is not problem with the finances and he is doing what he is suppose to do then let it go and work on a way to make him understand your point for the next year if it bothers you. Getting pissed is not going to do anything but cause a problem with your relationship. He may start feeling that you are trying to control him and trust me worst things can come from that. Also if you feel that you would want to have money in case of a hard time later down the line then talk to him about opening a separate account for emergencies that require both your signatures for any money to be removed
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 6:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Thanks girls!! He is a great husband, wonderful dedicated father, but he is very picky and likes things done the way he likes them done.. I knew that from day one, its just his personality.. i just get frustrated w/ him because he is so resistant to change.. but i just gotta remember to stay calm and know it will take a while for him to get out of his "single" ways... Ill deff check out that website!! Thanks again
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:57 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

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