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Grandparents! :/ ERG

okay, so the last 4 years our little family has had the tradition of my husband and I taking our children to see Santa. So this year while my inlaws where bringing my daughter home from school, she mentioned seeing Santa to them. I assumed they had just talked about it. So today my MIL calls me and says "Well, when are we planning on doing this Santa Clause thing. Since "daughter" told us in the car she wanted us to go with them too." So I just agreed with her and said "well, we haven't really figured out a day or plan yet, so I will need to get back to you on it." And she just said Okay, and went on about area places having Santa for the kids. Just as though she was gonna plan it around there schedule. She even mentioned a day to go that is a regular work day for my husband. :/ So today when my daughter got home, I asked her why she asked them? Because it was our little family thing to do. She then said "well, because I love them". So now I am torn, because I want to tell them to butt out, but I don't want my daughter to think she was bad in doing what she thought was right for people that she loves. As you can tell, I have a rough relationship with my inlaws. They are always stepping on my DH and I's toes, sneakingly doing things behind our backs, doing things with our children without clearing with us first, constantly trying to "one-up" us, and always sticking thier noses in our business. They were even planning a $200 train ride trip with our daughters, mentioned it to everyone BUT us, and then said things to my husband like "Not to hurt feeling but you parents are not invited, just us" and "If I can get them out of thier mothers (me) grasp". Oh BTW they live about 8 minutes away and rarely visit us, rarely visit the kids, and rarely take them to stay the night. I know this is alot, but I am very frustrated!! Any advice please....?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Dec. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • and have high end drama with someone who outwardly is accepting of them. Only when they meet resistance can family (in laws) continue an argument. It will take time. They will continue to chip away. But over time they can't argue with someone who won't do it back. Sure they will talk about you behind your back. Who cares? They may even talk about you to your kids. The fact is that experience is 80% of how we see the world. Your children experience you everyday. Their opinion of you will be based on their interactions with you. Not what their grandparents say about you. People get in a wad about what family feeds their kids. Let your kids experience grandparents....I wonder what that will teach them? Probably that they are fun but boy are they wrong about mom because we know mom to be the best.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:53 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • oh i wish i had some advice since i've had problems with my sil (sister in law) my mil just isnt the same around me, luckily they live far away but it bugs me how often she calls him its like 3 days a week of not more it really annoys me never wants to even speak to me, n like the other day i was rushed into hospital she calls doesnt even ask how i am just asks how the baby is doing
    angelbaby1323

    Answer by angelbaby1323 at 10:13 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • B/C your daughter wants them to go see Santa with the family i would let that one slide but, after that- i would do things MY Way & they could work around Me- Don't Worry about them having One Up on you b/c in your Kids Eyes it will Never Happen! Maybe, you need to have a little talk with your daughter & tell her she needs to run things by you or Daddy before she asks someone to join in with you guys- Wishing you lots of luck:)

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 10:16 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • When you find an answer let me know! My MIL and SIL are so so SO intrusive.
    Girlsabadfish

    Answer by Girlsabadfish at 10:23 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • try to do it with your family soon to keep your tradition then let them take her and tell your daughter that she gets to be extra special this year and see santa twice
    macks_mommy

    Answer by macks_mommy at 10:10 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I would tell them to butt out and politely talk to your daughter and explain that she didnt do anything wrong but the santa thing is something that you and daddy share with them and no one else.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 10:11 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • I would take your daughter - just you and hubby and then you can take her with your MIL. Don't give up a favorite tradition, just make two trips to see Santa.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:54 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Honestly, if you feel that passionately about your family's tradition then you stick to it. Don't stray from your everyday Holiday trip just to appease your in-laws. I wouldn't put it past them to have cohearesed your daughter into getting her to play along with their plan. Honestly, if you are really passionate about your tradition then don't divert from the plan. Stick to it and your in-laws will have to get over it. Let your daughter know that she was perfectly fine in asking them, but you want to keep with the family tradition. If you want to keep the waters as smooth as possible then have your daughter go with your inlaws on another day. That way your daughter can have the both of best worlds (to her) and you all can keep the peace. Either way, don't allow them to bully and manipulate you into doing what they want to do. This is YOUR family and if you don't stand your ground they'll smother you.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:19 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • They can't start drama if you don't let them. So if they plan something for your children, and it is harmless, let them go. You can see Santa several times. No law says that you can't sit on Santa's lap more than once or twice during the holiday season. No reason why you can't enjoy some shopping while your in laws take the kids on a train ride. Use that time. Thank them for thinking of the kids and inviting them. Look, your child can love them and know that they are so fond of mom. As long as you never say anything bad about them and you are good to your children - your kids will understand and know that their grandparents are full of crap when it comes to their opinion of you. Well you and your "grasp." But if you tell them to butt out or they are full of shit - your kids will see and hear the family conflict. Teach them that you have grace and are not so low to participate.  In laws can not continue to fight, argue

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

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