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Crazy inlaws vs. the holidays

My inlaws are crazy! Every holiday turns into chaos and I'm sick of it. Every time we get together I sit back and watch the drama . There's yelling, screaming, swearing, and this last christmas there was almost a fist fight! I was able to handle it before, but now that we have a child, I don't think I'll be able to cope with it this time! I don't want him to grow up thinking every holiday involves fighting! Even though I wish we could, we can't just avoid them and not see them. I need to figure out a way to handle this without dropping to their level. HELP!

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detnoria13

Asked by detnoria13 at 10:13 AM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • Well when the IN-LAWS start acting up..Just get the kids and tell everone " nice to have seen you all..We are going home now".. Some thing like that..Make it known that your not going to put up with it in front of your kids.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:36 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • What does your DH say about it since they are his parents? Does he appreciate how they act? Where are you gathering for the holidays? That will play a big part in how you handle it. If it's at your house then you both put your foot down and tell them they aren't going to act that way and if they do they can leave. If your gathering at their house or somewhere else, then as soon as they start let them know...if you don't stop we are leaving. If they don't stop...then leave. Plain and simple. If they love you guys then they will want you all around and will act accordingly.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:39 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • My Dh is usually right in there fighting with them. I know he hates the way his family behaves, especially after being around my "normal" family. As a matter of fact, on the first x-mas with my family my husband cried on the way home, wondering what is wrong with his family. .
    detnoria13

    Answer by detnoria13 at 10:45 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Every body's family is different. My family is a little crazy to..Don't let me start talking about my DH family..
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:08 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • If your husband agrees he would rather have a more tame holiday season for his child...enlist his help. You do have a choice and so does he. You are grown ups and you have a child. Grown ups make choices. You can choose to put you and your child in a situation that is stressful, chaotic, and perhaps abusive. Or you can set up limits. Your husband and you can either decide to use a code word when it is time to leave OR the both of you can be upfront with several family members pre get together. They are most likely sick of it too but not sure how to stop a life long pattern. So call them. Explain that you love them (even if you don't) and say how you wish everyone could get along. Don't bad mouth them or anyone else. Just state you want it peaceful for the sake of all the children and adult family members.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:57 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I agree with louise2, when the fighting starts, get up and leave. Don't even bother saying a word to any of them. If they want to be immature and act like children, then you act like the only adult in the room and walk away.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 11:58 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • take an aerosol air horn with you and when they start acting like idiots, blow the thing off and tell them to shut up and sit downand act like normal adults. even if it doesn't work, it will be fun as hell and you know it rofl
    teri4lance

    Answer by teri4lance at 12:34 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I would not want my children in that environment either! This is family so I would ask your husband to talk to his family before hand. If it starts getting crazy, get the children give good bye hugs and leave.
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 1:02 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • We had this very same exact problem. I was just like you and thought no way do I want my kids to see this behavior let alone make them feel a part of it. So we started out having holidays at our house. We just set a different quieter tone for the day. AND THE BIG ONE no alcohol at all. In our house they seemed so much better for whatever reason. But then one sister never wanted to come because she couldn't go a day without drinking, so she would not show, then our kids got older and so did theirs. The kids behavior was out of control because they were used to the out of control place and it just got too much. We started having our own little family traditions and didn't go to the big whole family functions. we would go visit with his mother the day before or after or for part of the day, but skipped the whole sisters and kids chaos. We also invited her to family functions with my family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

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