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3 Bumps

DH doesn't understand! adult content

When trying to get DH to stop BM's insults he just brushes me off. He refuses to do anything to stop her from violating court papers (which state that no one is to talk badly about anyone). He even didn't want to take her to court when she took visitation away from him. I had to push him to do something, and that something was tell her that he would think about helping her get pregnant. This woman has been trying to have my husband have sex with her for her to get pregnant again ever since she found out I was having a baby myself and that would be the third child that belonged to him while she only has two of his kids.
How in the world am I supposed to believe that he loves me when he refuses to stand up to her? It feels like all he wants me for is sex because he won't do anything that I ask but bend over backwards for his ex-wife.
And yes, she is remarried as well, she just doesn't want to be with her husband and is only with him becuase he reminds her of mine (she married my husband's twin, I swear this man could have been seperated from my husband at birth they look so similar).
How can I get him to understand what this is doing to me? I'm so stressed out that I don't know what to do, and I know this is affecting our kids becuse recently they have told me that they don't have to listen to me becuase "daddy don't care". HELP! What can I do?

Answer Question
 
momnstepmom

Asked by momnstepmom at 7:48 PM on Dec. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,128 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Couple counselling. You need someone professional who make him understand what is going on. He won't believe you because if he would he would already. It will just get worse if you let it. Stand up early and you may win him back. Or if he wants her than leave him. You deserve better. Hugs. I hope things will be better for you soon.
    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 7:57 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • maybe you neeed to leave him for awhile and tell him that is what going to happen if he doesn't realize that what he is doing or lack there of. tell him these are the requirements that you need of him which include counsling for at least 6 months and to minimize the amount of time is spent associating with his ex, to stop letting his ex walk all over him. not much else i can say but it seems a good wake up call is needed.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:46 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with melody77 about minimizing the time he spends with his ex-wife. You pushed him to tell her he would think about getting her pregnant? Am I reading that right?
    myfirstloves

    Answer by myfirstloves at 11:04 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • I agree with them
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 11:16 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • He obviously needs to get his head out of his ass, and to accomplish this, he may need some help realizing how much this is affecting you. I'm actually surprised to hear that any woman would have put up with this for so long. Especially the pregnancy part. That's just fucked up. Tell her to use her NEW husband to get her pregnant and get her hands off of YOURS.

    I would have left him already, personally. I have no patience for games.
    meganbearden

    Answer by meganbearden at 12:19 AM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I didn't push him myfirstloves to do anything except to get his visitation back from her by taking her to court for violating the court papers.I have told her to use her new husband meganbearden, but she claims he's infertile since they have been trying for the past 2 years to have a baby and she hasn't gotten pregnant yet. Of course I think it is becuase she's 400 pounds and 3 times bigger than me, but she won't believe me when I say she needs to loose weight and then think about getting pregnant.And I've left him, forced him out of the house, everything so many times it's not funny. He'll do what I want for the duration that he's gone, and she'll fuss at me for him doing it to her (I hear her saying, "I can't believe he's doing this to me, I'm the mother of his first children, he should treat me with respect, I guess he's not the good dad I thought he was" etc etc etc during this time frame) but coming home? Same story.
    momnstepmom

    Comment by momnstepmom (original poster) at 9:26 AM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • My first advice is to not approach this from an emotional point (although I know it's hard to not be emotional in a messed up situation like this). You need to sit down with your dh and explain rationally how you feel, also ask him how he'd feel if you were wanting to become pregnant by your ex or your ex was pressuring you to have his baby. Explain how his ex's insults make you feel (although I might would handle this if he didn't).
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

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