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2 Bumps

What do you do when you feel like you're not getting enough attention f/ your SO/DH?

My SO and I live together with our two and a half year old. He's a teacher whose simultaneously doing the credential program- which basically means he has 12hr days M-F and works a lot on the weekend too, even when he's at home. It's real tough, I constantly feel like I don't get enough, if any, attention- and we've talked about it but there's no real solution...his job is his life, then comes our daughter, then by the time there is time for me he's usually exhausted, tired, etc. So yea- what sucks is even though I go to college and work, I still have more free time compared to him and don't know how to not care about this attn issue. The difference is I can have an insanely busy week, and be exhausted, but when I have real free time- I'd want to spend it with him, and he usually rather sleep!

Blah, guess this is more of a vent than question, but my question I guess is what do you do when/if you're not getting attention? Or what do you do when you have conflicting schedules and maybe don't get to hang out much? How do you stay busy and keep your mind off it at the same time?? Any advice is much appreciated, thx.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Dec. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • That's the hardest thing (besides $ issues) that couples (esp couples w/ kids) have to deal with. My husb of 13 + years & I have that problem, and just try to sched time. Go to bed early (after the youngest is asleep) Get her to stay at G-ma's once & a while. I wish we could just make out & not have to go the rest of the way when time allows for that, but once you've activated the launch sequence you have to be prepared for lift off!-At least w/ my husb- LOL :) Good luck- & keep trying!

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:08 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • I sounds like you guys really really need some time together, not just the 5 minutes you grab at the end of the day. Is this a transitional issue due to the credentialing or has it always been this way? It sounds like it might be a good idea to get a sitter and go out, anywhere that isn't the house, and just talk. Best wishes!

    Answer by irishcoffee at 8:12 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • I just tell SO the problem and tell him to fix it. He's a control freak so I tell him if he's going to control then that means he is responsible for fixing thing; hence, "fix it" comes out of my mouth.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:46 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • every couple should have rituals that give them a small bit of quality time together every day...for my SO and i, we go to bed about 30 min before we really intend to go to sleep each night...we cuddle, talk, joke, play around, and it usually leads to sex and us passing out...its my FAVORITE time of day! talk to you SO, but use "i" statements not "you" statements and dont speak in absolutes...instead of saying "YOU NEVER spend ANY time with me" say "I miss spending more time with you. i know you're really busy but i really want to figure out a way to fit in some more stuff for us to do together."

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:56 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • Do you have a hobby?

    Answer by myfirstloves at 10:46 PM on Dec. 11, 2010

  • When I feel this way when my dh's working, I remind myself that he's probably unhappy having to be away from me and our family. And that he's working hard to support our family, so I try extra hard to get in a hug, a nuzzle and let him know I love him. That usually gets him to spend what time he has with me. Now if he's spending too much time on his hobby or with his buddies, I pipe up and let him know I'm not happy. Sometimes he will quickly change it, others he's a little slow on the uptake lol. Just try to make what time you are getting with him is pleasant for both of you. This won't last forever.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:59 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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