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Do you degrade your child or build them up?

I tried my best to keep my children s self esteem high while they were growing up. I think good self esteem is important in a child's development.

I personally was degraded on a regular basis by my Mother. It seems as if nothing I did was good enough, and now that I'm an adult I feel as if I suffer from major self esteem issues. I have talked with therapist, but still have trouble believing I can do as well as other people. It has been embedded in my brain from childhood. I'm just not as good.

I was just wondering do you guys really build your child/children s self esteem?


Asked by tracylyn245 at 11:50 AM on Dec. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,253 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Definitely build him up! My dad was like your mom - I never felt good enough, and I still struggle with this. There is a big difference between teaching humility and humiliating a child. I actually had an issue with my son's teacher who seems to discipline through humiliation - thanks to the principal, she's cut that out!

    My son feels good about himself, without doing so at the expense of others, and I am so proud of that as a mom. When he was really little, we used to do this thing where his father or I would as "Who loves C?" and we'd both raise our hands and say "I do!!" The think I always loved was that he would raise his little hand too, and say "I do too!" He loves himself, in the best possible way.

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 12:34 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?

    This is my favorite quote because it helps me to remember to be a good mom. My mom also degraded me my whole life and I have to see a therpist now.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 12:06 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Definitely build him up, but still with humility (too many cocky kids now that expect everything to be handed to them). We do volunteer work with him (at 2), and donate to charity. We try to teach him to think of others, not just himself, but I will NEVER let him be broken down the way my dad did with me. I, too, have major self-esteem issues.

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:53 AM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • My kids know that they are Loved and Wanted children and the world is a better place wit them in it.

    Answer by firelites at 11:57 AM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I build them up because its important to let children know no matter what you are there and they can learn to be there for themselves.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:00 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I'm with musicpisces. I build them up, but not to the point where they are cocky. As a teacher, I see kids in school every day who think they are the center of the universe. I teach my sons that I am proud of them and that they should be proud of themselves. I also teach them that there is a big world out there and that it is what they think about themselves that matter, not what others think about them. I teach them to do their best and that is all that is needed. They don't need to beat everyone else in the class, they don't need to get the best grade, as long as they did the best that they can, I'm happy with them, proud of them and they should be proud of themselves.
    My mom used to beat us down verbally, tell us we were worth it. Her excuse was that she was trying to help us want to do better. I could get a 99% on a test, but she' insult that in hopes I'd study harder and get a 100% next time.

    Answer by layh41407 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Neither. Neither is good, healthy, or beneficial. Self esteem cannot be "gifted", it comes from competence. I love, encourage, teach, help, guide, and more ... but I neither build up or tear down.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:13 PM on Dec. 12, 2010