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3 Bumps

Do you ever want to just leave him?

It's a complicated and long story. When my daughter was 20mths, I told her biological father about her, and basically she was conceived from my one and only one night stand. Obviously between that night and when we found out, we'd both changed a lot. I'm 24, he's 31, already has his Master's degree and was at that point in life where he actually wanted a family- so he was thrilled and didn't resent me for not telling him sooner. He just wanted to move forward. We started dating and within months we all moved in together, and at first it was perfect.

Then flash foward--he's a teacher and works a lot, and I mean A LOT. He never really has time for me, and is always distracted. He's an incredible father, and gives our daughter everything she needs, but I feel like sometimes this just isn't meant to be. It's horrible because I have so much to be greatful for- he really is an amazing person and treats me well, except for the fact that I feel invisible M-F, because he works until he goes to bed- and on the weekends he works until he's tired and THAT's when we hang out. Basically sometimes I want to leave, as selfish as that sounds. I just feel like I was a single Mother for 20mths (mind you, we both have no family on this side of the country) and sometimes I feel like I still am.

We've talked about it before, because additionally our sex life has sufferred due to his job- and he just blames his job and then his age for his lack of a sex drive. Blah, so sometimes I feel like emotionally I'm really not getting what I want or need- and that's when I think of leaving but realize how could I do that and separate our family.

Guess this is way more of a vent but do any of you ever want to leave?? or DID you? Btw we moved together in June- so it's been six months so far...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Honestly, its only been 6 months. You two are still adjusting. I wouldnt think about leaving him because he works hard. He still comes home to you at night, and your daughter sees him everyday. I think PP was dead on when she said you should work on you M-F. Do something for you. Take a mommy and me class, have coffee with a girlfriend... when baby is asleep, do something for you at home too. Not just CM, but knit, paint your nails, whatever will make you smile.
    He sounds like he is adjusting and trying to be a good man, and you should appreciate that a little more. The good ones are hard to find, and those are the ones you KEEP.
    And maybe, you should still do "date nights". Find a babysitter, and just go out with him, and enjoying HIM. It might help bring you two closer. GL
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 3:18 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'm sorry but I just can't jump on board wanting to leave a great hard-working man because...*drum roll* HE WORKS HARD! There are negatives to every relationship but that is one negative that I would (and do) work around.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:29 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • i totally understand...I feel selfish and horrible for thinking about leaving but then I feel bad because I feel invisible and we have talked and he does good for a week or so he goes right back to where he was....so I am sorry that I don't have an answer or solution for you but just no unfortunately your not alone.
    firechickk

    Answer by firechickk at 3:00 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • touchy, do what's best for you and child and children see and know more than we think they know , good luck another thing if he wasnt excited enough after the sex to call you back he was'nt and probably still isnt interested you wee probably doing fine at first and you could've just let him be in her life and everyone would've been happy.
    1LovelyAngel

    Answer by 1LovelyAngel at 4:25 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • yes i did feel like leaving and i did
    however
    father of my child was not a good man like yours
    i had to leave, but you could try to work on yourself m-f, so you are not feeling alone

    it is so not easy as single mom,
    if there was any chance in hell, my ex would be half as descent as yours- i would not be thinking about leaving
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:29 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Why not live together as parents of the child yet have separate lives? He can have his job and you can go out and meet other people to get your emotional needs met.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:32 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would never leave my DH. He is hard working man who takes care of his family. We have had our problems but are working through them :D
    fairygurl91787

    Answer by fairygurl91787 at 5:01 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Do you love him? If so, then I doubt the thought would be entering your mind.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 5:13 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • There are many reason's for leaving a person, but I never felt working hard would be one of them. You should get together with some friends if your lonely have lunch or hang out for an afternoon...but if you leave a man simply because he works hard.......that's pretty selfish on your end
    tracylyn245

    Answer by tracylyn245 at 5:26 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I understand the not having time thing but I wouldnt leave him because he works to hard.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 10:06 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

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