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How can I help my step-kids?

Both of my step-kids have been having trouble behaving. My step-son has been litterally beating on his mom, misbehaving at school to the point that he's being kicked out of his school. He will have to go to my kids school. My step-daughter has been picking arguements with the others, causing trouble at her mom's house. But over here things are starting to get settled. They are learning that over here I don't tolerate it and they won't do it here but occasionally. But they are coming over EVERY DAY! She says she can't handle them and she gives them to us until she's ready for them to come home and go to sleep. This past weekend she brought them over here, said she'd be back for them within a few hours, and didn't pick them up until the next day. Those kids were tramaticed. Both were crying all night long, and were even weepy the next day when I called her to ask her where she was at all night. My husband and I took turns trying to call that woman to see where she was at. No answer. We've tried taking them to counceling, but the therapists she has for them tells us that we can't blame her for wanting a break since she's having marital problems. I'm sitting there thinking "WTF? Who cares what's going on with her, the kids need help!" And we're trying to get a different therapist to help them with their issues, but that's only the first step since I feel that there are things we can do here at home.
So, anyone know what else we can do to help these kids? They are nearly 8 and 9 years old.

Answer Question

Asked by momnstepmom at 3:58 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,128 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I would make a set schedule for them. Give it to her in writing and stick to it. For instance, the first and 3rd weekends, etc... They need a set routine, so they know what to expect. Also so she can't just feel free to drop them when she needs a "break". IMO it's BS that she needs a break, that's just an excuse for her to take them to you. Hope it all works out.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 4:05 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Sounds like you are doing all you can. My stepson ended up moving in with us at the age of 13 cause his mother had a new bf and was never home. He started resenting her so badly for it. That was one of the toughest things I remember with my steps. When my stepson would call his mom to check in before dad took them home and she wasnt even going to be there for them. Good luck


    Answer by beyondhopes at 4:07 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • We do have a schedule. They are supposed to come over every Tuesday and every other weekend. We have tried to stick to it, but everytime we tell her that we need to stick to the scedule we get calls from the kids saying she's left them at home alone and they are hungry and they want to know if we can bring them something to eat. When we get there there isn't anyone there, not even her husband.

    Comment by momnstepmom (original poster) at 4:08 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would try to get custody since you already have them. Their acting out because she has them all confused on what is going on. They do really need a routine and their acting out telling you that.

    Answer by preciouschild at 4:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would personally just go for having them full time. Since they seem to be much better adjusted at your home and she is having difficulties at the time, and make her house the occasional place. IMO that is what would be best for the children, instead of leaving them in a home that isn't always supervised and fed.

    Good luck

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:23 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

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