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which is worse.....

1) letting my child (6yrs old) see a family member who only comes around and calls 2 times a year

or

2) not letting her see this person, because it could bring up unwanted memories and questions i just cant answer

I kind of want to do number 1..but at the same time i dont. If this person comes over, it could get my daughter asking questions about her dad (her dad is a dead beat) but yet at the same time, she DOESNT EVER ask about him, or anyone on that side of the family..so i dont want to bring up stuff that shes forgotten..and then all of a sudden she would be reminded of it..ya know?? why bring up bad memories if i dont need to..BUT at the same time at least this person makes an effort..even if it is only at birthday time and christmas....and i know if i DONT let her see this person it COULD come back and bite me in the ass down the road..its just so hard because she doesnt talk to anyone about her feelings..and if she does she says shes "fine"..

 
alexis_06

Asked by alexis_06 at 4:02 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 42 (146,031 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Knowing about a dead beat that is better than thinking there is no dad, I would take a risk and let her see him, so later on you will not be the blame for keeping them apart.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:05 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would vote for letter her she him. I grew up without my father he is alive. And have never even met his brother. Would have been nice to have at least known SOMEONE from that side of the family.

    Good luck
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I agree let her see him and if she asks about her dad be nice don't put him down but explain he has decided not to be in her life. But explain that her uncle does want to know her.Maybe you could talk to the uncle and say that it would be nice if he could stay in her life since his brother isn't. It would be a guy figure in her life.
    preciouschild

    Answer by preciouschild at 4:26 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • ohh, sorry..i should of mentioned the person wanting to see her is NOT her father (he wants nothing to do with her at allll)..its one of her uncles (from her dads side) that wants to see her
    alexis_06

    Comment by alexis_06 (original poster) at 4:07 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I grew up never knowing my father or anyone on his side of the family. To this day I resent that, and try not to blame my mother, but she had a lot to do with it. I say that because when I was 34 years old my sister brought a letter to me that she had found in some of my mother's things. It was from someone on his side of the family, and they wanted my sister and I to come to a family reunion, she had received the letter 3 years before my sis found it! That was so wrong on so many levels, how dare she? At 29 years old I was old enough to decide for myself if I wanted contact! Your daughter may not be saying anything to you, but I guarantee she misses her daddy, and wonders about him every day. I definitely think you should let the uncle see her and take news home to her father who may not show you any interest, but that's just because he doesn't want to deal with YOU. He may miss his daughter more than you know.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 5:31 AM on Dec. 13, 2010