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my husband used to be very jealous and i would tell him to leave off and on while we were living together(b4marriage)- reason he cheated?

i would get so mad cause of this that i would tell him to leave and then say stay, that we'll work it out. come to find out he cheated on me abut a year into our relationship.yes i know the saying, if their accusing its cause their doing it. well now that its come out he says part of the reason he cheated was cause i would tell him to leave so many times that he wasn't sure wed work out. i remind him that i had every right to do what i did cause of his jealous and controlling problem and thats not an excuse. hes not jealous anymore and i know hes sorry and has been faithful since then. I kinda feel guilty that i did that and thats part of the reason he cheated. what is your advice and do you think that because of what was going on that is probably why he did cheat?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • well... jealousy indicates a self-esteem problem more than anything. you didn't buy into it and baby him, so he went and got someone to make him feel good about himself temporarily. don't blame yourself. if you want to continue the relationship, you could try to be more sensitive and talk about the self-esteem/insecurity issues, but don't take blame for them. men are so frightened by confident women. his blaming you, along with the insecurity issues, signals immaturity. up to you if you want to put up with a big baby or find a grown man.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 7, 2008


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He decided to do this. There is no excuse. You were disappointed in him, did you cheat? Get the book "Discovering the Mind of a Woman" and both of you read it. Maybe it will help him grow up.

    Answer by PamJM at 1:39 PM on Nov. 7, 2008


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • yeah i agree noone can make you do anything no matter what. although i do think that sometimes that can influence their reasoning for doing so. i.e. our friends fiance kept telling him that he was going to cheat on her. well he did. he shouldn't have and he was wrong too but i think in some level since she told him this that he maybe felt he might as well since she already pinned him to it. i think he had his choice but used you as an outlet to make it seem right to go ahead and do it. is that right thinking no but people just do that to lesson the degree of their mistakes. either way he is wrong and he shouldn't have done it no matter how much you told him to leave but if he left the relationship then is it cheating or were you still together and told him to go home then that is cheating.

    Answer by melody77 at 1:45 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I do believe his behavior is classic jealousy/accusator because HE cheated. His guilt has him all messed up and he's driving you crazy too! And that's why you keep mentally kicking him out. You're on an emotional rollercoaster! Up and down, up and down. Now that his affair is out in the open, maybe you both can try to commit to moving past it and rebuilding a trust. And to answer your question, no I don't think your behavior made him cheat...that's a load a crap. Don't buy that.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 2:20 PM on Nov. 7, 2008