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I am so disappointed in my husband

We went through a real ugly patch a couple months back and it lasted for a couple months. We're still kind of bouncing back from it, it sucks because he's constantly gone for his job. During that time where it was rough I just saw a different side of my husband. I thought he was being incosiderant, insensitive, and just friggin stubborn as hell over something that very obviously upset me and hurt me! I used to think the world of my husband and that he could do no wrong, but he hurt me and I felt so disrespected and neglected. Now I don't think the same of him. Of course I still love him but I just feel so disappointed and still a little angry towards him. He acts like everythings fine and peachy, I just don't know how to express to him that I view him and our relationship differently after this because I know he'll immediately go on the defensive and turn into lawyer mc lawyerpants and find a way to manipulate the whole situation around where I'm the only one at fault! I know I played a hand in our rough patch, too, but it's frustrating when he gets like that because to be frank my brain doesn't work like that and I get confused! If that makes any sense! lol I just don't feel like he's what I made him out to be, he always was just so "perfect" and maybe that's my problem, I never really saw him as anything less and he knows it. I just felt really let down. Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • My only advise really is with regards to talking to him about it. I am the same way with my husband...I have a very difficult time talking to him about things he has done in the past that hurt me still. When I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel, it either turns into a screaming match, or he pretty much puts me to blame and won't even hear me out. The last time we had a problem (very similar to yours actually), he acted like there was nothing wrong and I was just crazy for thinking what he did was so horrible. Instead of attempting to talk to him, I wrote him out an email explaining how I felt. After he read the email, his attitude seemed to change. He didn't talk about it or anything, but he was definitely treating me a lot better.
    Gemska

    Answer by Gemska at 1:10 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • The therapist should have told you both that YOU are entitled to ask any questions you want about this screw up and that there is NO statue of limitations. You can ask for as long as it takes you to move forward and he has to just cope with it. Screw the lawyering...he needs to be accountable. I'd sit him down calmly and say, "I can't look at you the same way, I'm mad, I don't trust you...whatever." And he should get a job elsewhere. Perhaps you should have a dalliance of your own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • You might try reading the quick-read book For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley or check out a book or articles on how to deal with a Narcissist. They don't like criticism and want you to wipe the slate clean, forgiving them and getting on with adoring them. Keep in mind that if you don't then the girls batting their eyes at him will. I'm not giving you a hard time, I've just spent the past couple of years dealing with a Narcissist and it's not easy.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:45 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I am going through the same thing, so no advice, but here is some empathy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Try sitting him down and explain to him calmly how you're feeling. You can't do anything and neither can you until the problem is known to both.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:16 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • It's hard when you have high almost unattainable expectations for your mate. its normals to want your mate be a certain way and uphold obvious morals, as staying faithful, helping out and providing for the family, etc...but when you think of him as being perfect, nobody can live by that standard.

    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 9:19 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Having your dh "fall off his pedestal" sucks. BTDT and sometimes you can't really get it back. You can evolve and change, but it usually means taking more control of your own life and putting less effort into adoring him.
    charlottej

    Answer by charlottej at 9:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I know that's a huge part of the problem but it seemed so effortless for him to do for 9 years and then BOOM! I got smacked right in the face that he's not what I made him out to be in my head and I guess I'm trying to get over that, it's just such a let down you know? I don't know if I should even say anything to him or just let it go and hopefully we can move past this and bring our marriage back to where it was.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Men are very good at turning things around to better suit them, I do believe its genetics. I have 3 brothers, 2 sons and hubby and they're all the same. They trivialize our hurt and pain, because they don't understand it and it's much easier to let it go and move on. Where we women are still pissed off a yr or more later. I don't know what to tell you really because with my husband I just let him be right, wth does it matter anyway. Most important thing is I know I'm right :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 9:23 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Oh my Lord no! I haven't even mentioned anything to him, it's just something the keeps irking me and I'm only debating about whether or not bringing it up will be just plain pointless. I know it's not his fault that I saw him as someone who does everything right, and maybe it's just lingering hurt and just plain pissiness towards the situation! I don't know! Argh!!!! I think telling me to get over it or leave it kind of pointless, too. Divorce is not the answer.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

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