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I'm SO pissed.....

DH has really bad anxiety and CANNOT STAND if DD whines or cries in any way...
Since she's been born he's busted his ASS working for us - 12-14 hour days, 6-7 days a week so I've pretty much been a single mom and I hate to say it but he's pretty much only been the paycheck. Don't get me wrong... I'm thankful I don't have a shit-bum hubby who just sits on the couch all day, but any and ALL care - night AND day has been up to me these whole 2 1/2 years. I don't mind, it's my JOB - he works so much to provide us a great home & pay the bills, nd I do the child-rearing/housewife stuff. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO DISCEPLINE, AT LEAST BE ON THE SAME PAGE AS ME AND BACK ME UP!!!!

We just got back from the restaurant and lately I've been really having a hard time trying to get DD to eat something "good" - she has suddenly stopped eating all the stuff she loves and constantly asks for candy or Doritos. I tell her she CANNOT have those treats until she eats her GOOD food that I prepared for her. Some days she goes almost all day without eating. Today is one of those days.

On the way out of the restaurant as DH was paying the bill, they had a giant bowl of Blow Pops for 25 cents and before I could blink DH had bought DD one. No biggie. She asked DH to open it for her as he was buckling her in the carseat, and we both said "No, you didn't eat any of the food you ordered, you must eat your food THEN you can have the Blow Pop. Then she started to whine the slightest bit so DH CAVED IMMEDIATELY and said - - LITERALLY SAID "Ok, Mommy says no, Daddy says yes, but you HAVE to eat your food when you get home." I just CANNOT believe the blatent disrespect he showed me, and showed his daughter how he treated me. I'm FUMING right now. Then we get home and I was just going to go take a bath & let HIM deal with her since he never gets a chance to, see how HE does trying to get her to eat... he came in, took her coat off, and turned right around and now is out in the garage piddling around with his truck. I oughta rip his teeth out. UGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by MamaLisa1976 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,073 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I would have taken the blo pop away. Hubby needs to get over it and grow up.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:37 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Why didn't you stop him from buying it in the first place? She doesnt' need junk food and if you have a help mate who pays your bills and takes you out to dinner and cares about you then you are NOT a single mom and don't insult them again with your whining. Women have worked in the home for thousands of years doing what they do in the home while the male provides and they didn't complain and compare themselves to a woman who has to do it all herself. Single moms work outside the home and don't have someone to snuggle up to at night or tell to wake up and grab a kid in case of a fire. Shame on you. Just talk to the man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Men don't always get it. Cut him some slack though. He is on a different page, so to speak, all day long. He is working outside the home. So he made a mistake. And he doesn't know how to deal with her because you are the one who does it all the time. Show him how, and maybe he will learn.

    Answer by CarriePM at 9:40 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would've taken the sucker away. That is seriously about as disrespectful as you can get when your husband (or anyone) undermines your authority. You two should be on the same page about the rules and he seems to want to help her follow them, but caves soo easily. Honestly, you need to put your foot down and say "That if you're not going to enforce the rules with our daughter then you don't need to have any say in it at all. She needs to learn her bounderies, her limits, and so on, and if you can't help me then don't be apart of it." Now I'm not saying for him not to be her father, but I am saying that if he can't enforce those rules then he shouldn't do anything at all in regards to that. That means backing you up or not backing you up. Either way he's going to teach her that you're the bad guy and he's the good guy. Your daughter will play you against one another sooner then you realize if he keeps this up.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:43 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • he needs to grow up, my dh and share the duties of our daughter like when she was a baby we took it in turns to get up n feed, i would do the wake up call at like 1 or 2 and then he would do the next one at around 5 as he would be getting ready for work not long after that, you need to tell him its not acceptable for him to do that

    Answer by angelbaby1323 at 9:45 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I agree with all these ladies, however, on a slightly different note, adding in my personal experiences. If you want him to really watch your daughter, stick your head in the garage and tell him your sending her in to spend some time with him, and then do it. Go take a bath or something. Or, you can just put it in your mind that he doesn't see her all the time, and he doesn't like to hear her upset, and just let this one thing go. My DH is the same way when it comes to the kids, HATES HATES HATES to hear them cry, whine or otherwise be upset in anyway. Some things I let go, others I put my foot down and make him take responsibility for his actions. But it's your daughter, do what you feel is right.
    Good luck!

    Answer by momnstepmom at 9:47 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Anon - Lovely attitude. She should not have to stop a grown man from doing something like buying a sucker when he knows full well the child did not eat her food. He is the one who needs to grow the hell up and be the other parent. As for your pissy commentary on how she feels like a single parent, she has every right to that feeling. So what if he makes the paycheck? It does not mean he gets to check out and have no part of the parenting. This is not 1950. She is doing a hell of a lot by herself. Shame on you for being so nasty.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:50 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Thank all you ladies... except Anonymous. I AM giving DH props for providing us such a great life, if you missed that part... it's just that I DO feel overridden and COMPLETELY disrespected because of his F&*CKING ANXIETY PROBLEMS!! He's totally got major issues with it and cannot handle a lot of things in life most would find "normal", but he's a wonderful man and I realized this when I married him. I just am SO PISSED that he disrespected me like that and even moreso, in front of our daughter. He didn't do ANYTHING but harm there. He taught her that if she whines she gets what she wants when it comes to daddy (and she pretty much DOES) and I'm desperately trying to raise a well mannered, polite little girl. I get nothing but compliments on her now but if things keep going the way they are I fear things will change...

    Comment by MamaLisa1976 (original poster) at 10:19 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • BTW he came in shortly after I posted and I calmly told him "I am taking a bath, I expect you to get her to eat something". Then I just got out of the bath (It felt sooooo good...) & they were watching cartoons with her on his lap & they had her food (still untouched) and I kissed her goodnight and told her "Mommy's tired, I'm going to bed, Daddy will put you to bed tonight" and she just looked at me. She didn't fuss though (kind of wish she did for his sake but I'm glad she doesn't have a problem with that... at least YET.) Then I just looked at DH and said "Goodnight" and left the room.
    He has to be up at 4am, I'm sure he won't enforce the 9:30pm & no later bedtime with her... I'm sure he'll just let her stay up as late as she wants & he'll suffer tomorrow so he doesn't have to tonight fighting her if she doesn't want to go to bed....
    I'm glad I'm taking this time for myself... it's long overdue.

    Comment by MamaLisa1976 (original poster) at 10:24 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Good for you, Mom.

    Answer by MotherAndMore at 10:52 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

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