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7 Bumps

I am so tired of my husbands attitude !! I need advice ...

My husband is selfish and a jerk... everyday is a battle to not turn abusive and just start beating him ( I am about to cross that line ) .... He makes a problem out of everything, complains about everyting, and wont do anything !

we both work and even though i do work at home ( in home daycare) ... he assumes his sit down office job ( that he loves) is harder... even though I work alot longer and literally have to do alot more things... I dont like my job and i think it adds to the stress of doing it ( not to mention that the parents of the kids I babysit for are constantly sending their sick kids, dropping them of early and picking them up late) ... I have to because he once had a great job but lied to his boss - got fired and now has a low paying job..........the day he got fired he told me to go out and get a job, but expected to not have to watch the kids or do any house work...........

So I have to work, do EVERYTHING for the kids and do everything in the house - except his laundry because he complained I didnt do it right so I told him to do his own.... so he washes a load of his own clothes once a week... and because of that he thinks he has a right to complain that I never do anything... ( he says this as he is playing a video game or on the net ) ...

BUT tonight just pissed me off to no end...

Our 4 year old daughter was in her first play tonight ( christmas play) ... I was so excited ... I was up since 6am getting ready, taking her to practice then me and the kids to church, then to a church luncheon.. I came home for us to change and he starts arguing that we arent going because he doesnt want to come home late since he has to work early in the morning( this is one of his big excises for everything..... even though he doesnt leave for work until after 7...and after we did get home he stayed up and played video games until after 11 ) ....but it made em so mad that he literally wanted to miss his daughter in a play - this was something big for her ( and me )

.... I wish he didnt even go because he spent the whole time snapping at me and LOUDLY talking down to me in front of all of those people... and then snatched the camera out of my hand because he said he can do it better.... and well now I dont even have any photos of her in her play....

divorce or marriage counsiling isnt an option at all right now ( no money, no time, and he just plain will not ) ....I dont know what to do

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Dec. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Life has dealt you a hard one. Sit down and take a deep breath. You have to think through the situation and decide what you can do to change the present. Life is gotten too hard. Slow down you are doing too much. If you want your marriage to work, you have to get counseling. Does he want the marriage to work? It is easy for me to type this but the fact is that it takes effort from both of you to move ahead. I hope you can find the strength.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:41 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • I would find the money for a divorce. I would not live with a selfish jerk like that, and it sounds like you do it all on your own anyway. I think I would rather move out and be on welfare than live with him. Take a shitty job to get yourself out of that situation. Maybe go work at a daycare and rent an apartment for you guys. Maybe go to a women's shelter and explain your situation. Even though he's not physically abusive he's emotionally abusive to your family.

    Answer by badgirl44654 at 11:48 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • My sister was married to an abusive man and she had to go to a shelter. They teach you how to do your own divorce without an attorney.

    Answer by badgirl44654 at 11:49 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • The way it sounds you need counseling and if he isn't willing to do that then there is only one other thing I would do personally, and that's leave. He doesn't seem to appreciate you and he needs a HUGE wakeup call. You need to sit down and tell him exactly how you feel and what you think will help you and your marriage. If he still doesn't agree then I would save up and leave. You deserve better than that and he won't learn until your gone. GL

    Answer by jnsdrf at 11:50 PM on Dec. 12, 2010

  • Arsenic?

    Seriously though ... Was he like this prior to you two getting married or did this really start after he lost his job? It sounds like you guys could benefit from counseling but unless he is willing, it won't work. They have kits at Office Max/Depot and Staples for do-it-yourself separations/divorces.

    I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide is right for you and your kid(s).

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 12:14 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • No he was wonderful to me until I got pregnant with our second ( that we spent a year trying to get pregnant for) .....

    It isnt just the money, but I dont want a divorce because I dont want to do that to my kids -- we would have to live in a shelter! ... my family and my church do not believe in divorce unless there is physical abuse and counsiling has failed ......


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:20 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Why don't you see if your preacher can give you some counseling rather than going to someone who will probably charge you $100/hr. It would be something. Do you think that counseling is really going to help? I think on some level yo already know the answer to this question. I hope things get better, your children don't need that, or you for that matter.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:52 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • im sorryPray to God to help you out. Good luck!


    Answer by bratgirln1 at 12:54 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Wow, this sounds a lot like my spouse. Very selfish, tho I just had our 2nd child in October, he has said somevery ugly things. And I went back to work in November , cause my kids are going without so much. And he has 2 jobs, but gets upset if I need gas or something to eat. I can't even get him to bring me lunch or just some money to grab lunch to my job. But when I was able I drove a darn hour to take him lunch 4 times a week. I'm so sick of his behavior, that I'm finally at my breaking point with him. And it'll be over for us soon. Cause I don't want to have to hurt him, before I do that I'll just get rid of him point blank period!!!!! Iwish you the best of luck in your situation. All I can say is I feel yourpain!!!

    Answer by Tlady25 at 2:04 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Try talking to your preacher.

    Answer by fairygurl91787 at 3:02 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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