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I know I did the right thing - so why do I feel so horrible?

We live in North Eastern Iowa and got hit hard with a nasty winter storm cell this weekend. My stepdaughter's biological mother lives in South Western Iowa and they did not get hit very hard at all. We were supposed to take my stepdaughter back to her mother today - which meant driving four hours in horrible road conditions that the Iowa Department of Transportation deemed not safe for travel and towing prohibited virtually the entire way to our meeting point. My husband got called away yesterday afternoon to a family emergency and I was left with the job of caring for my stepdaughter and returning her to her mother today. I watched the road conditions and decided it was time to call her and discuss our options. Long story short she freaked out on me because roads in her area were just fine and she started threatening that she was going to keep her from us the next time she is scheduled to come to our house. I calmly explained that I was looking out for the safety of her child and I offered up many solutions, two of which included getting my stepdaughter to her maternal side of the family who lives in the same town as we do. I reiterated that traveling with a four year old in these conditions were not in her best interest and I would return her to her immediately when the roads became safe tomorrow. Needless to say it didn't end well but I do have my stepdaughter sleeping safely in her bedroom at our house for the time being. I know I did the right thing by keeping her off of the roads but why do I have to feel so horrible when I was only looking out for her? Even her maternal side of the family in this area were saying driving was not an option.

Answer Question
 
NessGuinness

Asked by NessGuinness at 12:10 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (414 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Put yourself in the bio mom's shoes, she will probably see reason tomorrow but for today she is just mad and feeling like her baby is being kept from her. You absolutely did the right thing and I bet that once she cools off she will see that you did.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 12:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You feel bad because you don't like upsetting other people and as a mother you know how you would feel if you felt like someone was keeping your child from you even if you knew they weren't doing it on purpose. It means you'e a good person with a caring heart, that's all!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Its just the devil working through them to make you feel that way just have her back tomarrow and when the family sees that she is safe they will thank you.
    EliasMommyDec09

    Answer by EliasMommyDec09 at 12:15 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Of Course, You did the Right thing! WOW- i can't believe SD's Mom went off on you for trying to keep her Safe! It sounds like she has some Serious Issues she needs to work out- Don't Worry about it- anyone in their right mind would have did the same thing! You are a Great Step-Mom:)

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 12:16 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Is the little girl in school? I know there are serious penalty for keeping kids out of school even pre-k. sorry but bad weather, especially if not in her area, is not a good excuse to miss school. Is that what she was worried about? perhaps you can give the weather report to the school when she returns if that's the case, idk.

    I live in GA and we rarely have weather too bad for us to drive so I can't completely understand how you feel. If conditions were too bad to drive, then yes, you did the right thing. You were most concerned for her safety and she should/will appreciate that once she cools off.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 12:18 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • you did the right thing i would have done the same thing stay home and off the road you safe her life and your own to bad her mom has no brains ,what was she thinking
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:18 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Of course you did the right thing. It wouldn't helped the situation at all if you had gotten into an accident on the way. Then she probably would have said, "Why in the world did you come out and bring her home the way the roads were?" You're always better safe than sorry. Nobody's life is worth travelling on roads that are bad enough to cause accidents.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:21 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Thanks girls this makes me feel a little better. I wanted to mention my stepdaughter goes to a preschool on Tuesday and Thursdays so returning her on a Monday afternoon would not effect the preschool and Mom rarely makes her go anyway. The teacher has e-mailed us numerous times asking if we had her that day or if we knew why she wasn't in school. Apparently she is not doing well there and they have her on a behavior modification plan to help her ease into transitions and her teacher is not impressed with Mom's inability to get my stepdaughter there on a consistent basis and is really worried about Kindergarten in the fall.
    NessGuinness

    Comment by NessGuinness (original poster) at 12:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You were keeping the child safe...don't ever feel bad about that.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 2:18 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Update: I def. did the right thing - schools in our area are delayed two hours in the morning because roads STILL aren't cleared from this weekend's storm
    NessGuinness

    Comment by NessGuinness (original poster) at 2:25 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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