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Do you think a person has the right to be angry if their parents have serious medical complications from smoking?

My parents smoked when I was a kid. I am not going into any problems that any of us children may have suffered do to their smoking. Both have cancer. My moms is in remission for the time being and my dad is dying of cancer. Their doctor has said that their smoking for 35+ years exacerbated their problems and their cancers would not have occurred or been as bad if they had not smoked.

In another question about smoking, many people have said it is not their place to judge a person if they smoke or not.

As someone who is losing her dad because he smoked, do you think I have the right to judge? As someone who has watched both of my parents suffer for YEARS, do I have the right to judge? As someone who has had to explain to her children that Papa is dying, do I have the right to judge?



Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • yes, i think we all have the right to be upset at our parents when they make poor health decisions that will affect all of us. smoking,drinking,obesity,ect. my parents both smoke heavily and complain about not being able to save for retirement. when they get sick (they will eventually) it will be me whos expected to care for them. i cant even have a pleasant visit with my mother without reeking of smoke and worrying how the second hand smoking will affect me. i have brothers who refuse to allow their kids to visit my parents due to the smoke hazards. my parents remain in complete denial about the health risks and the costs. smoking needs to be completely banned.

    Answer by lillie70 at 3:22 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • No you have no right to judge or be angry, addiction is more powerful than you think.

    Answer by older at 8:36 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • "He doesn't have to deal with the consequences. He gets to die and we have to suffer without him."

    I know you are in pain, but I don't understand how you can make the above statement. Your father is going to lose his life - that is the ultimate consequence.

    If you don't love your father now, you will never get another chance.

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 9:40 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I understand. I do. I understand the feelings of standing by the bed as your mom drowns in fluid in her lungs. Wheezing. Dying. And she asks me...Would it be bad if I said I wanted a cigarette? What could it hurt NOW mom! You already did the damage right?! Do we have a right to be angry? I think we do. When you have children you give up the right to call your life just your own. You are now a part of another person forever. They rely on you, love you & you dont have the simple common courtesy to stop smoking so you can LIVE for them?! I think its a cruel cruel thing to do to your choose cigarettes over them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • BTW I am 31. I have been dealing with my parents having cancer for my entire adult life. My children are young and will not really get to know their Papa.

    It really sucks.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:29 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • As someone who responded to the question you are referring to, YES I do feel you have a right to judge. But in all honesty it was not your decision to make. It was theirs. They knew what could happen and didn't quit so it was their choice not yours. I am trying my hardest and am in the process of quitting once and for all. I am sorry your losing your father because of smoking, but it was his choice not yours and now he has to live with the consequences. I have had family die because of this awful disease and still can't help myself. It is an addiction and is one of the hardest to quit. I hope you find peace with whatever happens. GL and (HUGS)


    Answer by jnsdrf at 2:38 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I am not trying to be argumentative...

    He doesn't have to deal with the consequences. He gets to die and we have to suffer without him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'm sorry if my post sounded argumenative. I am deaply sorry that your losing your dad because of this disease. I do honestly understand how you feel. I really didn't mean to offend you. IMO smoking really is a disease and not just an addiction. I have lost 3 of my Grandparents and countless other family members because of it. It's just not as easy as some say it is to quit. I think about my health down the road daily because of my smoking and it tears me up, but I just can't bring myself to stop. I will eventually but it takes time. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and I really do pray for the best for your dad and family.

    Answer by jnsdrf at 2:54 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • That is how I dealt with my dad also, it hurt to see him not see our way of thinking, and it's not our fault, no one is perfect.
    I learned not to smoke and take all things as God's grace.
    We aren't really in control of even our steps. God is.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 2:57 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • My personal thought on this is ..... if he only hurt himself then that was his undoing. If he caused health issues in his children because of his smoking then he has something to be judged about. Yes smoking is hard to give up but its not impossible. I gave up the day I moved in with my SO because it gives him asthma attacks. I lost my grandfather at age 11 to lung cancer and I was not able to see him the hospital. He looked so messed up my parents refused to take me and told me to remember him as I knew him. Yes you can be angry but it wont change anything. It wont bring him back it isn't going to make the memory of him any better for you or your children. Be at peace before he dies because you wont get the chance once he is gone.

    Answer by MumaSue at 4:29 AM on Dec. 13, 2010